emBarK
by quizasvivamos
Summary: The sequel to In Every Stitch: Following the win, 28-year-old Kurt and 26-year-old Blaine jointly open a boutique and are now only months away from launching their premier line. As the date of the show draws closer, stress begins to build, new people enter their lives, and an unexpected development threatens to throw the brakes on their dreams.
1. Chapter One: Model Casting

The studio in the back room of the boutique was usually a neat and organized workspace, a space nearly any designer would kill to have, but this wasn't so the last few weeks. It was crunch time. Numerous sketches were pinned and taped up across the walls, fabrics littered the tables, and bolts were unraveled in odd locations, the dress forms were in various states of dress and undress, half-finished garments were left in the machines, and the rack was gradually filling up with finished pieces.

In fact, it might have been terrifying to see the pair of scissors sticking out of the chest of one of the dress forms if one had just walked in. It could have been a scene out of a horror film, at least, a terrible nightmare for anyone usually as put together as Kurt and Blaine.

To an outsider, it might not seem like there were in fact still three whole months until the runway show. But three months would fly by when Kurt and Blaine were working tirelessly day and night to pull together what would be one of the most important and monumental moments in their career. Their signature line, _emBarK_, would make its debut at the upcoming Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, and it would be an understatement to say that they were nervous.

The final wave of models had cleared out, and the two designers sat sorting through resumes and photographs of an assortment of the auditioned runway models.

"Uh uh," Kurt said, shaking his head at Blaine's previous pick. He slid the photo in front of him over to Blaine. "Her. I like her look." The young woman in the glossy photograph had a very pale complexion, almost hawk-like features, and dark hair and eyes.

"Alright. What about – Ana? I think she's a good fit." Blaine smiled at the picture of the slightly curvaceous Italian woman before him on the table as he imagined her in one of their looks.

"She's nice," Kurt agreed. He leaned his face against his hand and watched Blaine shuffle through the remainder of the casting photos. As his eyes followed the movement, Kurt felt his vision begin to blur, and then his chin slipped and jolted him. "I'm ready to call it a day," he sighed, shaking his head and trying to look like he hadn't just nearly face planted into the tabletop. "I'm exhausted. We have another day of casting tomorrow too, so sleep sounds like a good option."

Blaine looked over at Kurt whose eyes were slowly fluttering closed and shot him a smile. "We have about eight girls now, but I feel like we still haven't found the perfect one to wear the showstopper. I don't even know what I'm looking for, but no one has the right – energy," he said. Blaine rose from his seat at the table and pinned up the last two girls they had agreed on.

"Perfect. I'm so glad this whole thing is really beginning to come together," he added, glancing around at the sketches and their complete work.

"Oh my god, Blaine. It's a freakin' mess in here," Kurt laughed. "It looks more like falling apart to me." He stretched and stood up to join Blaine by the wall, crossing his arms as he looked on.

"C'mon. Let's go home. We can pick up where we left off tomorrow because I don't even feel like attempting to clean any of this up right now," Kurt said.

"Yeah, and soon I'll be too tired to even throw something in the microwave. I'm starving," Blaine yawned.

Kurt linked arms with Blaine and led him out of the back room, flicked off the lights, and they locked up and headed out.

-s-

The subway car was packed, and Kurt hung onto the bar by the door while Blaine huddled up next to him. The train rattled and screeched along the tracks, jerking them around a bit, causing Blaine to nearly lose his hat which he held onto with one hand while the other was wrapped around Kurt's waist for support. They were glad when they finally reached their stop. The doors slid open, and they stepped off into the musty station. Ah, the familiar aroma of urine, Kurt thought. And, in the June heat, the smells were even more nauseating. He attempted to hold his breath until they resurfaced in the city, gasping slightly once they were topside.

The neighborhood was nice enough, it wasn't Manhattan, but Manhattan wasn't really an option. Even with Blaine's prize money from the show, which contributed mostly to the boutique and the line, apartment hunting landed them in Brooklyn. Kurt's old apartment was literally a closet, and the two of them, although they had tried, could barely breathe in there together, let alone try to actually live. So when they decided to move in together, the search for a bigger space began.

Kurt still clung on tightly to his grandiose dream of one day living in SoHo, if they were ever to become so fortunate, but this would do for now. He had to begin somewhere and build towards what he really wanted. And Kurt understood well the struggle and how much more satisfying the outcome would be when he finally overcame it all.

At least they could say they felt safe here, despite the usual Brooklyn stigma, and they fit right in and were comfortable amongst the other artists, writers, and the significant presence of other gay individuals like themselves in the neighborhood.

Blaine pulled open the door that led into the lobby of their building and held it for Kurt. They greeted the door man before habitually grabbing the mail and catching the elevator up to the fourth floor on which their apartment was situated.

Kurt unlocked the door and let Blaine in before closing it behind them and letting out a heavy sigh.

"We should have ordered food while we were still at the studio," Kurt said, his shoulders dropping in exhaustion.

"Don't worry about it. Go get ready to settle down, and I'll take care of it. I've got this Asian dish I can prepare in minutes," Blaine explained.

"Thank you. I knew you wouldn't let me die," Kurt said with a crooked grin.

"Always a drama queen," Blaine said and then leaned over and gave Kurt a quick peck on the cheek.

"You know I can't help it, but at least it keeps life interesting."

Blaine went to work in the kitchen while Kurt made his way to the bedroom. The bed looked dangerously inviting, but he couldn't go to sleep on an empty stomach, so he refrained from sitting down. Instead, he pulled open the dresser in search of pajamas. But as he searched for something comfortable, he decided that he'd rather just strip out of what he was currently wearing and call it a night.

"Fuck it," he mumbled to himself. He hung up his jacket and pants, placed his accessories on the dresser, and tossed his undershirt into the laundry basket. He inhaled deeply as the scent of peppers, steak, and rice frying reached his nose. He stood there in the room, his mouth watering as the food smells tormented his senses, and he closed his eyes and felt himself begin to drift. Just then, Blaine's voice brought him back.

"Kurt?" Blaine called out. "The food's ready."

"Coming," he responded. He plodded out and took a seat at the table where Blaine already had a plate set out for him.

Blaine turned around; his eyes widened when he caught sight of Kurt, and he just stood there with a salacious grin that he couldn't hold back.

"What?" he asked flatly in response to Blaine's expression.

"Kurt – are you _naked_?" Blaine said, trying not to break into laughter.

"Not completely, but it's not like it's anything you haven't seen before. Is there a problem?"

"Oh! No, not at all. Just took me by surprise, that's all. Suddenly, I feel extremely overdressed," he joked, tugging at the collar of his dress shirt.

"You are. And I can fix that – but, for now, I'd like that food you have there," Kurt said, grabbing at the air toward the plate in Blaine's hands.

Blaine laughed. "Oh – sorry," he said with a smile. Blaine set the stir fry between them and took a seat across from Kurt. Both were silent as they ate, but Blaine kept stealing glances at Kurt who returned his glances with narrowed eyes and a playful grin.

The meal was soon devoured, and Kurt helped Blaine clean up before slumping onto the couch and sinking into its cushions. His head sitting heavily in his hand, Kurt pulled up the DVR menu and scanned through the recordings of the mostly inane reality television shows and dramas that they hoped to catch up on sometime soon.

Blaine returned after changing into a lazy form of pajamas, a tank top and some boxer shorts. In the summer months, he found it easier just to lose the clothes when in the comfort of his own home - something Kurt had already grasped and ran with. He messed around in the kitchen for a few minutes, operating the microwave, before joining Kurt.

"I'm kind of in the mood for a movie," Blaine said, sitting down next to Kurt, a bowl of freshly popped popcorn in his hands. He pulled his legs up and sat cross legged, setting the bowl in his lap.

"Were you thinking romcom? Or action? Or - no, I can't really do horror," Kurt said, shaking his head and grimacing at the thought. He reached over and popped a few pieces of the buttery snack into his mouth.

"How about a musical? We haven't watched one in a while."

Blaine set the bowl down on the coffee table and made his way over to the shelf that held their dvd collection. Their collection had been growing little by little every time they went out and discovered something new that they both liked. At first, it was Kurt's musicals and Kurt's romantic comedies. And, at first, it was Blaine's action movies and Blaine's horror films. Then, as they settled in together, their possessions slowly morphed into an indiscernible conglomeration of Kurt and Blaine's this and that. And that was very nice, to be able to have the _us _and the _we _and the _ours_. Yes. Kurt grinned to himself as he thought about it.

And the same went for their clothing, furniture, and the other little odds and ends around the apartment. Blaine brought many of the small things over from his place in Chicago such as a lamp, a hat stand, and his television, while Kurt brought over furniture like his small but cozy sofa and his dining room set. Together, they browsed the flea markets around the city and picked out vintage pieces and fixtures. When it came to the bed, though, Kurt's was way too small, so they splurged and bought a designer pillow top mattress, justifying the price with the importance of comfort and a good night's sleep.

And as their things began to peacefully mingle and comfortably cohabitate, so did Kurt and Blaine.

"The Producers?" Blaine asked, pulling out the case. Kurt nodded, and Blaine placed the movie in the player before sliding back in beside Kurt on the couch.

Slightly past the halfway point, when Franz Liebkind took to the stage to belt out 'Springtime for Hitler', it became apparent that it was bedtime for Kurt. Kurt had completely checked out and lay there, slightly drooling, against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine, who could feel himself beginning to drift, chuckled to himself and decided that he ought to get Kurt to bed. He turned the movie off and gently nudged Kurt awake so that he could lead him to the bedroom.

After they settled into bed, Blaine rolled over and wrapped his arms around Kurt, pulling him closer to his body.

"I know you've been stressed out over all of the work we've been doing, but we're almost there. We'll get our big break soon," he whispered by Kurt's ear.

"I know," he answered quietly. "At least we get to work through this together. I can't believe I used to think I'd be able to do all of this on my own, because our reality is hectic. Hopefully soon we'll be able to afford an assistant or something. And some seamstresses."

"That would be very nice," Blaine agreed. "Just three more months."

But if Blaine had seen the expression on Kurt's face, he would have known that Kurt was barely holding it together. Three more months meant that, with each passing day, the stress would become increasingly more intense, and he was already feeling overwhelmed. He stared sadly at the wall until his weary eyes fluttered shut again.

-s-

Blaine awoke suddenly to an elbow in his side right before a knee connected with his leg. Kurt was tossing and turning, pulling the blankets every which way. It must be nightmare, he thought. But this was the first time Blaine had ever witnessed something like this, and he began to panic, not sure of how to handle the situation. Should he wake him up? Blaine vaguely recalled reading that you shouldn't wake someone up when they are having a nightmare. Or was that sleepwalking? One of Kurt's arms flailed out and struck Blaine in the stomach, ultimately making the decision for him as he reached over to shake Kurt awake.

"Kurt. Kurt, wake up, please just wake up," he said quietly.

Then Kurt's eyes shot open, and he looked around in terror.

"It's okay," Blaine said.

"Blaine – I – " Kurt was sweating and shaking.

"You're okay now," was all Blaine could think to say as he scooped Kurt's shaking form into his arms and held him there, massaging Kurt's arms to soothe him. "I love you. You're safe now. It was just a nightmare. You're here with me now."

Kurt felt himself tearing up. "Blaine. He was – I – I just want it to end. I don't want to feel like this anymore," he sobbed as tears streaked his cheeks.

Blaine hated to see Kurt suffering like this, knowing that he had no control. When Kurt had first told him about his monster of an ex-boyfriend, Blaine had wanted to hunt him down and exact revenge, but having now witnessed the residual damage, he just wanted to go back in time and prevent it from ever happening.

He combed his fingers through Kurt's hair and gently wiped the tears from his eyes.

"You don't have to talk about it unless you want to," Blaine cooed.

"Thank you. I love you so much," he said, curling up under the covers again.

"I love you too, Kurt. Now try to go back to sleep," Blaine nearly whispered. Kurt bit his lip and only nodded in response, relaxing back into the mattress.

It didn't take long for Kurt to fall asleep again as Blaine continued to massage his arms and back, but Blaine stayed up deep in thought, worrying about Kurt. All he wanted was for Kurt to feel better, to get over that dark part of his past, but maybe having Blaine wasn't enough to help him heal completely. He thought the nightmares had ended, but, with the preparation of the line, it was possible that the stress they were under lately had triggered it all. He really hoped that, once this was all over, things would get better.


	2. Chapter Two: Elyse

"Ready for round two?" Kurt asked as Blaine set two cups of coffee down on the table.

"Yeah. I'll go let them in. They've been waiting out there for nearly half an hour," Blaine responded. He made his way over to the door and let in the first wave of models. As usual, they were all very beautiful girls, all generally taller than Blaine, and diverse in body type and facial structure and features.

Choosing models was strange: they had to be viewed as objects of beauty, organic statues on which the designer's own work would look best draped over and on which it would shine even brighter – but, these young women were human beings. They all had names, histories, relationships, and emotions, and Blaine felt a bit odd during the whole process.

"Now walk for me," Kurt waved the girl forward and then gestured for her to turn. "Good. Next."

A blonde woman stepped forward and strutted in a similar fashion. Kurt and Blaine both grinned and nodded before calling on the next model.

The next woman who stepped forward immediately caught Blaine's attention: her skin was an olive tone, she had brilliant, light, gray eyes, her dark, brown hair was short and styled in a pompadour, and there was an energy in her eyes and a certain bounce in her step that caused Kurt to set his coffee down and focus all of his attention on her.

"Tell us your name," Kurt said, his hands now clasped, his thumbs at his lips as he leaned forward.

"Elyse," she answered, flashing a bright smile.

"Before you walk, can you actually put - give me a second," Kurt stood up and rushed over to the rack, "this – can you try this on for us?" he asked holding up what was potentially their showstopper gown.

"Of course!" she nearly squealed but then composed herself, looking a bit embarrassed. Blaine just smiled at her because he found her excitement endearing. Kurt handed the gown over to Blaine**, **and their eyes met for a brief moment. The energy he found in Kurt's eyes was almost intoxicating, and Blaine smiled to himself, attempting to control his own excitement; he had been thinking about asking Elyse the same thing before Kurt had even opened his mouth.

She undressed, and Blaine helped her into the gown, bringing it over her head. The silvery charmeuse fabric rippled and cascaded down around her torso, legs, and then halted just above her high-heeled feet. They both stared on in awe as she straightened out the garment on herself and walked from the first taped 'x' to the second and back again. The fabric moved with ease, hugging her curves perfectly, as the short train fluttered by her heels. It looked so natural, like it was made for her to wear. There was no question; they had found their girl.

As Kurt continued to watch Elyse in their gown, he imagined that this must be what having a muse felt like. Or perhaps she was a Siren, he thought, and they were about to crash and burn – or be eaten alive. He chuckled aloud at his absurd musings which received a baffled look from Blaine.

"Sorry, it's nothing. I mean – it's not _nothing_. It's perfect."

"What Kurt means to say is that we would love to have you work with us. You wear that piece quite well, and it would be wonderful if you would wear it for our big premiere," Blaine explained.

"I'd be honored. Thank you so much!" she said, and then, without thinking, she grabbed Blaine around the shoulders and hugged him briefly. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm just really excited," she said, letting go, as a blush managed to creep through her dark complexion.

"It's okay," Blaine laughed, "the enthusiasm is actually refreshing – and contagious."

Blaine helped her out of the gown, and she changed back into her t-shirt and shorts as Kurt added her information to the call sheet with the other models they had already chosen.

"We'll call you soon to let you know when we'll need you to come in. Make sure you keep your schedule open," Kurt said.

Elyse smiled brightly again before turning around and leaving the room to make way for the next girl. The next few models came through, and both Kurt and Blaine mindlessly watched them, asked a few questions, and then sent them on their way. These final few spots were not as significant. Now that they had found Elyse, their secret weapon as Blaine had begun to call her, who they were sure would bring down the house in the finale, all they needed was to pick a few more and be done with it.

"I really like her," Blaine said.

"Me too. I'm not even sure what it was, but, as soon as I saw her, I knew."

"She's fierce like Victoria Beckham with the bubbly personality of Reese Witherspoon. She's charming."

"Hm," Kurt hummed. "Actually, I think that's pretty accurate," he said, grinning over at Blaine as he pinned the final few photographs of the models up on the wall. He let out a breath he felt as if he had been holding forever, and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off his chest.

"There's still so much to get done, but I think we deserve a break. I think this calls for a celebration. How do you feel about throwing a little soiree next weekend in our apartment to get to know the girls and welcome them to the team?" Kurt asked.

"That sounds wonderful since we're going to be seeing a lot more of them in the next few months. It's best to not be strangers," Blaine said with a smile.

-s-

Kurt was thrilled to be doing something other than working on the line for once, so he spent the next few days planning the party. It was therapeutic: after fashion, planning events was his next favorite pastime. When everything was set, they sent out invitations to not only the models but a few acquaintances.

When the night of the party arrived, so did a very eager Cooper. Kurt answered the door, and he couldn't help but glare knowingly at him before shaking his head and letting in Blaine's ridiculous, but admittedly charming, brother.

"Behave yourself," he warned with a smirk.

"You don't have to worry about me. Let's just call this me cashing in on the rain check for that visit to set I never got," Cooper said as he made his way over to Blaine who was already chatting with the first few arrivals.

"Hey! It's good to see you, man," Blaine said, hugging Cooper.

"You too, little bro. How have you guys been holding up? Everything still going strong?"

"Yeah, we're doing well. It's been a bit of a struggle, but we'll power through it. I don't doubt Kurt's abilities at all, and I think he feels the same –"

"What are you saying about me?" Kurt said, walking up beside Blaine with a smile. He snaked his arm around Blaine's waist and pulled him closer to his side.

"I was just telling Coop how much we've finished already, and how we're doing alright," Blaine said, leaning into the touch. Blaine watched Cooper as his eyes wandered around the room at the models, looking on with sad eyes. He was like a puppy begging for permission to be let outside to relieve himself and make his rounds of the yard - and when let out, he would chase the first round, bright object that crossed his path.

"Go on. No one is keeping you here," Blaine said, shooing Cooper, who grinned, immediately turned as one of the blonde models walked by, and then rushed off to catch up with her.

Another small wave of guests arrived, and among them was Elyse. Kurt moved immediately to the door to greet her, paying no mind to the others. It's not like he had been waiting for her to get there, except that he really had. She was their star, in a sense, and Kurt wanted to give her the star treatment.

"I'm so glad you could make it," he said, beaming. He took her jacket and hung it up in the small closet by the door.

"Thank you so much for throwing this. It's really thoughtful of you guys," Elyse said.

"Would you like a drink? Anything at all. We have an open bar tonight," Kurt joked, motioning to the counter where numerous bottles and glasses were set out.

"I'll just take a cranberry and vodka - if that's okay," she added quickly.

"Easy enough," he said as he went to work mixing the drink. Blaine soon approached the two.

"Hey, Elyse," Blaine said with a smile before wrapping her in a brief hug. "I'm glad you're here. This should be a great opportunity to get to know the rest of the girls, and, of course, _we'd_ love to get to know all of you, too," he said, gesturing around the room.

Kurt handed Elyse her drink as he rejoined the circle. "We saw that you've been modeling for three years now, and you're from…?" Kurt asked.

"Seattle," she answered. "I actually started modeling during my freshman year of college," she began before an all too eager and curious Kurt interrupted.

"College? Oh! Where did you go? What was your major? Oh, sorry; I don't mean to grill you," he said, growing quiet.

"It's perfectly alright," she giggled. "I was at Columbia," she paused for a moment, "for political journalism."

"That sounds impressive," Blaine chimed in, but then he noticed how her excited expression seemed to melt away into one of melancholy. "Was it not what you expected?" he asked, hesitant.

"It's not that – it was everything I expected, but the – I feel foolish telling you two all of this," she said, looking down into the drink in her hands.

"No, no. Go on. Unless you feel uncomfortable, that is," Blaine added.

"Well, I began modeling to pay my college bills. I figured it was respectable enough, and it turns out that I'm kind of a natural," she said. "But I never really pictured myself continuing in the field, actually."

"You looked great during the casting," Blaine gushed. "So, did something happen with school?"

Elyse blushed before continuing. "Even with the modeling, I couldn't afford to finish. But it wasn't all bad. I found out that I really enjoy being a part of the fashion world, and it was taking up so much of my time that I barely had time for my studies, anyway."

"I hope you don't regret it…?" Blaine said.

"Regret it? No. It's bittersweet, though. Maybe one day I'll go back and complete my courses, but, for now, I truly believe that this is where I'm meant to be."

"I hope so. What matters the most is that you're happy," Kurt said.

"I am," Elyse said with a smile that would have fooled most people. But Kurt knew that smile. The one that didn't quite reach the eyes. It was the one he had been wearing recently himself.

All of a sudden, the room felt very small, and Kurt needed out.

"If you two don't mind, I'm going to have a drink – or three," Kurt said with a laugh. "I'll catch up with you later," he said to Elyse, excusing himself. Blaine just shook his head, knowing full well what alcohol did to Kurt. But it was a special occasion, so he wouldn't make a fuss.

"Well, that's my cue to start the music. Kurt and I…we sort of can't throw a party without a bit of dancing. And music is kind of a big thing for us," Blaine explained to Elyse. "So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play DJ for a few minutes – or rather**,** I'm going to press play on a good playlist."

"Alright," Elyse laughed as Blaine, with a wink, turned and headed for the corner of the room where a laptop was set up. A brief moment later, an eighties pop song began pumping through the speakers in the main room, and a few of the attendees smiled and looked around before moving a bit to the beat.

Blaine danced his way over to Kurt and grabbed his hips from behind.

"Oh!" Kurt gasped. "Okay – just give me a second to put my drink down," he said as he drained the rest of his cocktail. He set the glass down on the counter, turned, and smiled mischievously at Blaine. Blaine grabbed Kurt's tie and led him out into the crowd.

A few of the models were dancing nearby, and one girl looked on and giggled at Kurt and Blaine as they moved to the rhythm. Kurt pulled Blaine in close to his body as they danced and sang along, and Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and began to grind up against him.

"Kurt," Blaine said quietly, beginning to feel the effects of the friction between them, "let's save that for later," he said, knowing that, if they didn't stop, the situation could turn embarrassing very quickly.

"Gladly," he responded breathily. "Later," Kurt whispered into Blaine's ear, sending chills rippling through his body. Then Kurt turned around and made his way back over to the alcohol, looking back only to shoot Blaine a flirtatious look.

Blaine shook his head and laughed as he continued to dance on his own. After the song ended, Blaine glanced over at Cooper who was chatting it up with a few of the models. There's that Anderson charm, he thought, laughing to himself. The girls couldn't help but flock to him. Blaine made his way over to the group, touching Cooper's arm to let him know he was there.

"Oh, hey," Cooper said, shouting slightly over the music and stepping to the side to make room for Blaine beside him. He wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulders. "Blaine here, your boss, is my little brother. He's like the most talented person I know, and all of you are lucky to be working for him," he said, flashing a toothy grin. Some of the women giggled.

"Oh, stop it, Coop," Blaine blushed slightly. "Are you guys all enjoying yourselves? Ana, right?" Blaine said to the dark-haired woman.

"Yes. It's been a lot of fun," she said, beaming.

"Thanks, little bro," Cooper whispered out of the side of his mouth, nudging Blaine in the arm. Blaine rolled his eyes knowing full well that his brother had his eye on her but had most likely forgotten her name already.

The party went on for another hour or so before people began emptying out and going their separate ways. Blaine bid Cooper goodbye who left with Ana and a few of the others, and then he made his way back over to Kurt who was engaged in what looked like a drunken giggle fit with Elyse. Blaine knew he was in for an interesting night.

"You're wonderful hosts," Elyse said. "Really, this was incredible," she added, touching Kurt's arm before breaking into yet another bout of giggles.

"I'm so happy to hear that," Blaine responded. He linked arms with Kurt who looked close to falling over. Elyse gathered her belongings and headed towards the door. "Thank you guys so much, again."

"You're always welcome. I need to get this guy to bed – do you want me to call you a cab?" Blaine asked.

"Oh! I'll be alright. I got it," she said as she pulled out her phone and dialed. "Thank you," she mouthed and waved goodbye as she stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind her. Now the apartment was empty save for a tired Blaine and a very drunk Kurt.

"Blaine," Kurt whined, "what if I don't wanna go to bed? Maybe I had something else in mind. You said _later_, Blaine – I remember," Kurt said with a grin. He placed his finger on Blaine's chest and ran it up towards his chin. Then, leaning all of his weight on Blaine, he kissed him gently on the mouth.

"Mm," Blaine hummed. "How much did you have to drink?"

"Oh – dunno. Maybe three or four somethings," Kurt slurred and laughed again.

"Alright," Blaine laughed. "Bed. Now."

"Okay," Kurt said, slapping Blaine's butt. "You don't have to tell me twice."

They made their way into the bedroom, and Kurt collapsed onto the bed. Blaine unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it aside as Kurt looked on with a lascivious expression on his face.

"When you're done there, you should come over here and undress me," Kurt purred.

"Kurt," Blaine began, as he fought with himself. The first - and last - time they had sex while intoxicated left Blaine feeling guilty, but he could barely help himself as he looked over at Kurt draped across the bed, hair mussed, cheeks rosy, and shirt already partially undone. He slipped out of his pants and crawled across the bed towards Kurt. Blaine slid off Kurt's already loosened tie and unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way as he planted kisses along Kurt's neck and collarbone.

Kurt, feeling especially warm, sank down into the bed, closing his eyes, and allowed Blaine to continue. Blaine carefully stripped Kurt down to his underwear as he felt the heat of his skin against his own. Kurt opened his eyes for a brief moment to glance down at Blaine, his eyelashes fluttering as he smiled, and then closed his eyes again.

"Kurt," Blaine said, lifting his head from where his lips had been grazing Kurt's abdomen.

"Hm," was all Kurt managed to hum, barely audible. Blaine watched as Kurt's breathing slowed and steadied. His body lay there limp and heavy, and he wasn't responding to Blaine's touches anymore. He must have completely passed out.

Slightly disappointed, Blaine laughed quietly to himself. Figures, he thought, as he tucked Kurt in then pulled the covers up over himself. After the night they had had, it didn't take Blaine long to fall asleep.

Unaware of how much time had passed, Kurt began to regain consciousness, his vision blurred and his head still spinning slightly. He slowly opened his eyes again as his mind and body registered the absence of Blaine's touch. He shivered. Pulling the blanket back up around him, he rolled over onto his side, facing away from Blaine.

They lay in bed, bodies draped across opposite sides of the bed, no contact, no warm touches, just silence. In his drunken state, Kurt suddenly felt hollow, a clenching feeling in his stomach, an illogical loneliness. All he needed to do was reach out and curl up to Blaine. But, instead, he lay there in the darkness until he felt himself begin to lose consciousness again.


	3. Chapter Three: Commission

Kurt placed a stitch in the shoulder of the garment on the dress form before him while the motor of Blaine's sewing machine whirred in the background. The gown was nearly finished, but the more and more he looked at it, the more he began to hate it. He soon became frustrated. This was supposed to be the most important piece of the collection, the finale of the show, and he didn't like it anymore. There was no way he was sending this down. There was something missing from it. And as good as Elyse looked in it, it didn't feel right anymore.

Every finished garment had been assigned to their models, but now Kurt was having second thoughts about what to put Elyse in.

He jabbed the needle into a pincushion, tossed the scissors down on the table, and walked over to sit down at the desk. The movement caught Blaine's attention, and he watched curiously as Kurt pulled his sketchbook out of the drawer.

Blaine turned off the machine.

"It's shit. It's all shit," Kurt muttered to himself. "The fucking thing needs to be perfect. I won't ever get it right."

Now very concerned, Blaine approached Kurt and placed his hand on his shoulder. Startled, Kurt jumped a little and then turned to look at Blaine, a look of embarrassment on his face.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked.

"I'm fine," Kurt lied. He was obviously flustered, and there was no fooling Blaine.

"No, you're not. What's wrong? Do you need a break from the work for a while? I can hold down the fort and pick up where you left off," Blaine offered.

"No," Kurt shot back quickly. "I need to do this. There isn't much time, and I want to make sure our line is the best it can be. That means that the final piece needs to be the best."

"Do you need some space? I can leave you alone for a bit. I'll just go watch the front of the shop for a while so you can have some peace and quiet."

"Alright. Yeah. Just – you go do that," Kurt said firmly, and, although Blaine had been the one to suggest it, he couldn't help but recoil a bit at how quick Kurt was to dismiss him.

"Let me know if you need anything," Blaine said, his eyes filled with sadness. But Kurt just hunched over the sketch book in front of him and remained silent as Blaine turned to make his way into the front of the boutique.

The shop had been empty all day, but it wasn't typical that they received many visitors. Some days, they would get a few curious stragglers here and there wandering in, and, hearing the buzzer, Blaine would stop what he was doing and take a peek into the front to assist if needed.

Blaine stood there by the register for a moment before he began to feel restless. He had to do something. The silence was killing him. Knowing that Kurt was in the back completely strung out while he could do nothing to help him made him feel especially useless, and he fell into a bit of a funk.

He paced throughout the shop for a good thirty minutes or so before the buzzer went off, stopping him in his tracks. A couple entered and slowly made their way through the shop, glancing around at the garments on the racks.

A smile tugged at Blaine's lips as he approached them.

"Hey! How are you guys today? Is there anything I can help you with?" Blaine greeted them.

"Are you _the_ Blaine Anderson?" the woman asked.

"The one and only," he answered as he extended his hand to the couple.

"I'm Meredith," she said, taking Blaine's hand.

"Joe," the man said, shaking Blaine's hand in turn.

"Was there something particular you two were looking for?" he asked. "We don't have our main line completed yet, but we've got a few pieces around here," he gestured towards the racks.

"Actually, I have a request – a commission. Is there any way you can take one right now for a wedding dress?" Meredith asked, hopeful. Blaine's first thought was how much he wanted to say yes, but he and Kurt still had much to complete. Taking on another project probably wasn't the best idea in their circumstances.

"I – I really want to – I mean, that sounds great, but I'll have to consult with my partner, Kurt, before I can give you a definitive answer," he explained. "Our workload is pretty heavy, and we like to make decisions together."

At that moment, Kurt rushed out of the back room, clutching his sketchbook. "I've got it, Blaine – oh!" Kurt said, stopping at the sight of the visitors.

"Kurt, this is Joe and Meredith. They have a commission for us, but I let them know that we're pretty busy at the moment," Blaine said quickly.

"A commission? Oh! Um, what for?" Kurt asked.

"A wedding gown," Meredith said, smiling shyly at Kurt. "It's great to meet you, too," she added, feeling a bit star struck. "I didn't know I'd get the opportunity. I love your work, especially what you guys have created together."

Kurt was flattered and couldn't help himself. Pride flared up within him, and he felt himself inflate as he stood there beside Blaine, the sketchbook now gripped tightly against his chest.

"When will you need it by?" Kurt questioned.

"We're planning on October," she said. "We'll pay whatever your asking price is," she added quickly. "Cost is not an issue for us."

"The runway show is in September," Kurt said, directing it more to Blaine. "That won't give us much time, but – can we let you know?"

"Of course," Joe said. He reached into his wallet, pulled out his business card, and handed it over to Blaine. "Give us a call when you can. We'll understand if you can't, though."

"Alright," Blaine replied. He absentmindedly glanced at the card before slipping it into the front pocket of his shirt. "We'll definitely let you know as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Meredith said. "It was so great to meet the two of you," she added, grinning bashfully. Then the couple waved goodbye and left the shop.

"Blaine," Kurt said, stirring him again from his thoughts. "I figured out what was wrong. I created a new design," he held out the sketch for Blaine to see. "I created this specifically with Elyse in mind. I felt like the other design just didn't do her justice."

"It's lovely," Blaine said, admiring the picture. "It's not a gown, though."

"I know. I scrapped that idea. I think a suit fits the collection much better."

"Are you sure you're up to starting something completely new? Will you have time?"

"I'll be fine. I'm gonna head to the fabric store tomorrow bright and early so that I can get right to work."

Blaine thought about what Kurt was saying, and all he could do was trust his judgment. Kurt was smart, he knew his own limits, and Blaine didn't want to argue with him when he seemed so confident about this change.

"What do you think about this commission?" he asked, a bit scared to change the subject. But he knew they needed to discuss it. It was a great opportunity, and Blaine was already getting ideas.

Caught up in high spirits, Kurt responded, "Go ahead. I think you can handle it."

Blaine smiled although he was still feeling a bit doubtful.

"I'll let them know tomorrow then," Blaine said. "I might as well finish those pants I left in the machine. Then I can begin sketching for the gown."

The rest of the day passed quickly, and the atmosphere was a little lighter in the studio as Kurt worked quietly, humming to himself. Blaine was caught up in his own excitement. He pulled the now finished piece off the machine, snipping the connecting threads. He hung it up on the rack and looked over at Kurt.

"Are you ready to head home?"

A sleepy-eyed Kurt merely nodded and took Blaine's hand as they left the boutique and made their way back to their apartment. Neither of them had much to talk about. It had been a long day.

-s-

The next morning, Blaine finally pulled out the business card, examining it for the first time. He hadn't even thought about who these people were and why this guy even had a business card. His eyes danced across the script that spelled out the name of the company before traveling to the man's name and title. Oh, Blaine thought, as his breath hitched. This guy was a bigwig VP of something.

He performed a quick search on his phone, and the results that came up were both startling and overwhelming, but he had never felt so excited about a job before.

Without further hesitation, Blaine called up the couple to confirm that, yes, he would definitely take them up on their offer, and then he immediately went to work sketching his ideas. He took a few requests from the bride to be and assured her that he'd do his best to create the gown she wanted.

If he played his cards right, this commission could send their career in an entirely new direction.

-s-

The avenue was bustling with tourists hoping to get a taste of New York fashion, and Kurt almost plowed into a family on his way back into the boutique, his most recent purchase tucked up under his arm. While he was out, he did a bit of sightseeing himself, taking note of the shows that were currently playing in town and wondering if he and Blaine might have some time to catch one in the near future.

Having lived in the city for almost a decade, Kurt felt like he could navigate the fashion district in his sleep. But as he trekked through the city that day, running around from fabric shops to specialty supply stores, he couldn't help but notice the hustle and bustle of the city that he was usually quick to avoid. Sure, the city often smelled of urine, and the homeless people on the street would sooner spend a benevolent passerby's money on booze than on food, but the city had its own kind of rhythm, and Kurt found himself swept up in it. He didn't even bother to swear at the man who blatantly rammed him in the crosswalk or the cab driver who took a turn a little too close to his leather double buckle Gucci boots.

Kurt knew that his good mood was only _partly_ due to purchasing the fabric for the new final garment. The bounce in his step was mainly attributed to finally having the opportunity for some one-on-one time with Blaine. Although they lived together, worked together, and saw each other nearly every second of every day, Kurt just...missed him. So, they had made plans for a lunch date, something to take their minds off of work for once. To say that Kurt was excited was a serious understatement. He could feel the anticipation thrumming through him as he got closer and closer to their studio.

As Kurt made his way inside to unburden himself of his spoils, he caught Blaine on the phone in a seemingly important conversation. He laid the fabric down on one of the work tables and waited patiently by for Blaine to finish up, careful not to interrupt.

"That's great!" Blaine said to whomever was on the other end. "I - I'll be right over."

Kurt's shoulders dropped in disappointment. He scrunched up his face in confusion and then, crossing his arms, raised an eyebrow at Blaine.

"What -" Kurt began, but was interrupted by an anxious Blaine.

"I know you just got back, but I need to run across town to pick something up for the gown. The shop I ordered the beads from finally got in touch with me, and I have to go over right away because they can't really hold them," he explained, a huge smile on his face.

Kurt tried so hard to return the smile, but his hopes had come crashing to the ground, and he was trying not to go right at Blaine's throat for so blatantly blowing off their plans. Kurt wondered if he had actually just forgotten.

"I understand how important this is to you, our first commission and all, but we're supposed to be drinking wine and eating a quiet, romantic meal in a fancy little restaurant in..." Kurt paused, looking down at his wrist at a non-existent watch, "well, right about - now."

"Oh," Blaine nearly whined as he felt the far less than pleasant vibes Kurt was sending his way. "I'm sorry. This is time sensitive. Can we reschedule...Kurt?"

Blaine's eyes were pleading, radiating sorrow and begging for understanding. Kurt had to glance down at the ground to avoid giving in. Blaine could work wonders with his eyes, and Kurt wasn't going to let himself fall for it this time, not when he was looking forward to these plans all week, and now Blaine had basically thrown them in the garbage with a simple gesture as if none of it mattered.

Kurt sighed heavily.

"Alright," he mumbled. "We'll reschedule."

"Thank you, and I'm truly sorry," Blaine said, moving forward to wrap Kurt in a hug. "I'll make it up to you. I promise." He kissed Kurt's forehead, but Kurt was still irritated and nearly recoiled. When plans were so easily broken, promises seemed like nothing but hollow, insignificant things. And it was an understatement to say that Kurt was frustrated with the fact that work always took precedence over their time together.

Then, with a huff, Kurt dropped down into the seat at his desk, pulled out his sketchbook, and pretended to look busy as he stared blankly at a clean page. He didn't even have a reason to be sketching. Blaine seemed oblivious.

"I'll see you when I get back," Blaine called over. Kurt didn't respond. Blaine grabbed his wallet and left the boutique. Kurt felt his face crumple up into a pathetic pout as his eyes and cheeks became wet with the anguish he had been bottling up until this moment. He sniffled and wiped the back of his hand across his cheek. Now what, Hummel? He asked himself. Was this really how it was going to be from now on? He knew that he loved Blaine, but how many more sacrifices would he have to make in order to make it work?


	4. Chapter Four: Too Much and Not Enough

It was Sunday evening, the first break they had from working on the line, and they had agreed to close down the shop early. Blaine sat with a cup of hot tea and his laptop open in front of him. He felt so cut off while living within their little fashion bubble that he decided to use this time to catch up on what was going on in the world - general news, sports scores, and even some celebrity gossip.

Kurt threw the stack of mail down on the counter in front of Blaine in a huff, startling him.

"Let's take a minute to sit down and go through these. I can't believe we even remember to pay our bills," he scoffed.

"I'm sorry? You know we've been caught up in work. It's not like this is how it always is. Things are going to be a little rough," Blaine said raising his eyes from the screen to look at Kurt.

"Right. There's always an excuse –"

"Kurt – what's..."

"We're always so busy; everything is always about work and the line –"

"Just calm down –"

"It's like we have no life outside that damned boutique –"

"I thought we both wanted – "

"And there's never time that's just for us –"

"Kurt! Would you just shut up for a second?!" Blaine shouted. Kurt looked absolutely appalled as he glared at Blaine. "I didn't mean that – oh, god. I'm sorry. It's just that you're freaking out over nothing right now."

"Nothing? Are you serious? We're nothing? When is the last time we sat down and spent time with each other, just the two of us, without everything being about the fucking line?"

"I don't know – I guess I haven't thought about that," Blaine answered, feeling flustered.

"No, you didn't think about it. And now you've gone and taken on another project when you know we really can't juggle all of this as it is." Those words hit Blaine hard. Kurt had definitely crossed the line with his accusation.

"Are you kidding me?! You're the one who told me to go ahead and do it!"

"Well, you should have known better!" Kurt shouted, throwing up his arms.

"What the fuck, Kurt?! This is ridiculous! If I had known any better, that you were going to explode and have a childish hissy fit, then maybe I wouldn't have gone into any of this with you."

Kurt's lip trembled as he felt his stomach turn. He felt like he might become sick. Then the dam broke, and the tears burst from his eyes, tears of anger and grief.

It was too late for Blaine to take back his words, as sorry as he felt for saying them, but his own anger was clouding his judgment, and he didn't think Kurt even deserved an apology. He was really hurt. All he tried to do was work with and support Kurt as much as possible, but now things were falling apart, and Kurt was being completely unfair.

"Is that really how you feel?"

An uncomfortable silence hovered between them.

"What's going on with us, Blaine? Every day I feel more and more like business partners who just happen to sleep in the same bed. We haven't had sex in over two weeks," Kurt said through heavy sobs.

"Oh my god," Blaine groaned. He was a bit shocked by Kurt's assertion because it hadn't really crossed his mind. Maybe it was a problem. Yes. That was definitely a sign that it was a problem. Kurt was completely right, but Blaine was still too worked up to give in.

"'Oh my god' what? Do you even want me, Blaine? Or are you tired of me?"

"Of course I want you, Kurt! But, in case you don't remember, you're the one who passed out drunk the other night when I was trying to initiate something." He knew none of this was helping, but it all kept pouring out in his frustration.

Kurt gasped.

"Are you accusing me of having a drinking problem now?!"

"No, but you're not exactly being modest about it. You didn't care how sloppy you got in front of everyone at the party," Blaine said, turning his head to the side in attempt to conceal the scowl that had crept across his face.

"Well, excuse me! You never told me to stop. Not that that should matter considering I'm a grown adult, and you're not my father," Kurt said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Kurt – I'm not trying to attack you here. I really care about you, and I wish you would let me know what's bothering you instead of bottling it up until you burst – like right now. This is completely uncalled for," Blaine spluttered.

"Maybe I feel like every step we take forward in our career, we take two steps back in our relationship."

Blaine stared wide-eyed at Kurt, his jaw threatening to drop to the floor. Then he clenched his jaw, took in a deep breath, and blinked back tears.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I hope you know that I love you, Kurt, and my feelings for you haven't changed at all. I never meant to make you feel this way," Blaine nearly whimpered.

"I know you love me. That's what is making all of this so difficult right now."

"Kurt – what is that supposed to mean? Don't say that. We'll get past all of this," Blaine said as he wrapped Kurt in a tight embrace. He rubbed his hands up and down Kurt's back, hoping that this might comfort him in some way, but he was terrified. Maybe holding Kurt like this to his body could trick his mind into thinking that, as long as he held him close, everything would be okay.

It wasn't.

Kurt gradually calmed down as he stood there in Blaine's embrace, taking in and letting out a series of deep breaths.

"Blaine," Kurt said quietly. Blaine pulled back and looked into Kurt's eyes. "Please don't let go."

"I won't."

"Can we – can we go to bed?" Kurt almost whispered.

Blaine swallowed hard. "Okay," was all he could manage to say. But he felt everything but okay.

Fingers linked, they made their way hesitantly to the bedroom. But instead of passion and excitement, there was a gloom in the atmosphere that was almost suffocating. And as wrong as it felt, Blaine undressed Kurt and kissed every inch of skin he could.

Kurt leaned into every touch and shivered at the feeling of Blaine's breath on his skin. He felt himself grow hard against Blaine's thigh, and he was so hungry. He wanted nothing more than to feel his boyfriend's body against his, working him to climax.

Blaine wanted to fall apart with Kurt now as he peeled Kurt's pants off and rolled them off his hips. They could make it all better. Maybe this was all they needed. Blaine quickly worked Kurt open, then pushed into him as gentle and cautious as possible, but it didn't feel intimate, it just felt forced.

And when Kurt returned Blaine's kisses and allowed him to take control of him, every movement felt awkward and unnatural. He was so unsure of himself, unsure of how Blaine was feeling in this moment.

Blaine came first inside Kurt and then proceeded to suck Kurt off, a twinge of guilt nagging at him the entire time. Nothing was enjoyable about the experience. When Kurt came into his hand, Blaine turned away, rushing off to clean up, not wanting to face Kurt.

Kurt lay there, still, facing the wall. He felt weak and vulnerable. And, although this was what he thought he had wanted, now that it was over, he felt nothing but remorse and a painful hollowness.

Kurt felt the mattress dip when Blaine climbed back into bed, and he was acutely aware of the space between them. What was meant to bring them closer had instead pushed them farther apart. And when Blaine made no attempt to close the gap between them, Kurt closed his eyes and tried to quiet the fears and doubts whirling around in his head.

-s-

Blaine woke up to the alarm and reached over to turn it off, grumbling at the sound and the first slivers of daylight streaming through the curtains. He turned over in the bed only to find Kurt's side vacant. He must have woken up already. Blaine sat up and stretched before heading over to the bathroom where he expected to find Kurt completing his daily moisturizing regimen, but when he entered the room, it was empty.

"Kurt?" he called out quietly as he made his way out of the bedroom, rubbing his bleary eyes.

"Kurt?" he called out again a little louder now as he turned the corner towards the kitchen area, but there was no response. "Kurt!" he yelled, looking around desperately, but was only met with a silence that engulfed the dark, empty apartment.

Blaine ran back into the bedroom and grabbed his phone to call Kurt. It rang. And rang. Then Blaine heard a click, let out the breath he had been holding, and was met with Kurt's voicemail. He threw the phone down onto the bed out of anger and ran his fingers through his hair. It was then that he noticed the empty hangers in the closet. He spun around and pulled open one of Kurt's drawers, finding it half empty. No, this could not be happening.

Blaine grabbed his phone from the bed and pulled up Kurt's number again, letting it ring and ring until it went to voicemail again. He had no choice but to leave a message.

"Kurt," he breathed into the phone. "Where are you? Are you okay? Please call me back as soon as you get this. I don't know what's going on, but I need you to call me back. Kurt," he said again, his voice strangled as he held back tears. Then he ended the call and sat back down on the bed in a haze. He was at a complete loss for words, for thoughts…Kurt was gone. He wouldn't answer his phone. He called Kurt one last time, but this time it went straight to voicemail. He threw the phone down again.

Blaine found himself pacing their bedroom, trying to make sense of the situation. Kurt had left him. Kurt left. He was not answering his phone.

Should he have seen this coming? Did he miss the signs? Was their relationship really suffering so much that Kurt would just give up on them?

This feeling of uncertainty about where their relationship stood - or if there would even be a relationship - was not entirely new to Blaine, but somehow this time was so much worse than he had remembered. This time they had been together, had been happily in love, and had built towards a future together. This time felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest. Blaine could feel an emptiness in the pit of his stomach as he tried to make some kind of sense of his world. His world that had revolved around Kurt. His world from which the love of his life had just up and vanished.

The sinking feeling that was gnawing a hole inside his stomach intensified, and, all at once, it was just too much. His stomach suddenly churned violently within him, and he rushed to the bathroom just in time to reach the toilet before puking until there was nothing left to release. He wiped his mouth, collapsed onto the cold, hard tile, and cried.


	5. Chapter Five: If You Ever Come Back

Every time Blaine's phone rang, he rushed to pick it up, but it was never Kurt. Each time he heard footsteps in the hall, his heart began to race and he hurried to the door, but it was never Kurt.

A week had dragged by, and Kurt still hadn't answered or returned any of Blaine's phone calls.

Each morning, he would set out an extra mug and a plate just in case. He would open the closet and look at the clothing of Kurt's that was still hanging up there and would run his hand over the fabric imagining that Kurt would be back to wear them soon. If he found something wrinkled, he'd take it out and steam it or apply a cool iron so that everything was perfect for when Kurt came home.

Blaine had been going to work in the boutique every morning like usual, but today he finally approached the new garment that Kurt had begun. If nothing else, he knew he had to keep going, and he would complete the look. Even without Kurt, he still needed to launch the line. After all, the show must go on.

He blamed himself. Maybe becoming partners was a bad idea, and he was an idiot to think it could work out.

Surprisingly, throwing himself completely into the work served as a distraction from Kurt's absence, and being productive made Blaine feel marginally better. Eventually, he believed that the only thing that might bring Kurt home would be if he finished everything, and he lived in this delusion for another week or so in which he found some comfort.

But after a month had passed, he fell into such a deep depression that he didn't even bother opening the boutique for two days straight. A whole month and no contact meant the one thing he was dreading: Kurt was never coming back, and, although he didn't want to, he needed to accept it.

It was over. There was such finality to the statement as Blaine said it over and over again in his mind. It was completely over this time, and he wasn't coming back. Blaine had given up on trying to contact Kurt, and he let himself go, sometimes leaving the house in a disheveled state, a mirror of how he felt inside.

There were only about two months until the runway show, and Blaine was busy taking calls, organizing the models for their final fittings, and partaking in a few small phone interviews on occasion. On one of the final days of model fittings, Blaine was helping Elyse into the now finished final look.

"There you go," he said as she slid her arms into the sleeves of the jacket. "It looks great on you," he added quietly as Elyse spun around and admired the outfit in the mirror.

"It does. I really like it," she agreed. "Blaine, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"You haven't been your usual chipper self lately, and it's impossible not to notice that we've only been meeting with you. So – where's Kurt?"

Blaine swallowed and was hesitant to answer. He crossed his arms across his chest and turned to face the wall.

"He's gone. I don't know where he is."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Don't apologize."

"Do you want to talk about it? I've been told I'm a good listener," Elyse smiled warmly, pulling a stool up next to her from its spot by the work table.

"I don't know. It's been really hard, and it hurts so much." He let out a weary sigh.

"Here – sit down," she patted the stool.

Blaine didn't have the energy to put up much of a fight, and, truth be told, he knew it might do him some good to talk to someone about the situation. He took another deep breath and dropped down next to Elyse.

"He left about a month ago, didn't tell me where he was going, and he hasn't contacted me since. Ugh, when I say it out loud, it just makes me furious all over again. I don't even know – I don't even know if he's alive."

"Oh, sweetie," she cooed, gently wrapping an arm around him as his shoulders slumped lower.

"I really thought things were going well. I mean, I know he loves me, and I love him so much that I feel like the other half of me has been torn away, and I've lost my balance and can't stand on my own. I was going to marry him. I even bought the ring – I bought it a year ago," he said quietly.

They sat in silence, and Elyse rubbed his back in attempt to soothe him. After a moment, she spoke.

"If it means anything, I know how you feel," she confessed.

Blaine looked at her, finally meeting her eyes. "Really?"

"I was engaged once. It seems foolish now, like nothing serious, but he was my highschool sweetheart, and I really believed that we were soul mates."

"What happened?"

"I got into college. It's silly, actually. I had my heart set on New York since I was young, enthralled by the big lights, the big city, the fashion. I thought I was going to be like Carrie Bradshaw, a columnist who could somehow afford Manolos. Ha. But reality never quite matches up with expectations and dreams," she shrugged.

"I know how that is," he managed a slight smile. "Where is he now?"

"He's still in Seattle. When I received my acceptance letter from Columbia, I was ecstatic, but I hadn't thought about how I'd have to leave Ryan - that was his name - behind. On the night of our graduation, he proposed to me. He didn't want me to leave, but I couldn't give up on my future, my dreams. He asked me to promise that I'd come back for him. So, I took the ring, but I felt awful about it. Not because I didn't love him – I still love him – but because I knew I shouldn't have made such a promise."

"So, what did you do?"

"I called him up one night after classes and broke it off. He was devastated, and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It hurt. I still think about him often, and I hope that one day fate brings us back together. I've been heartbroken for years over it, but life picked up and carried me off. I couldn't dwell on it any longer, not if I wanted to find my own happiness and figure out what I wanted in my life and from myself."

"That's very mature of you. Maybe I haven't figured it out yet. I just don't know how to go on from here – without him," Blaine hung his head sheepishly at the gravity of his confession.

"You'll figure it out, Blaine. And I think that when he's ready, he'll come back to you. I might not know you two that well, but from what I saw of you together, I know your love is strong. He'll come back," she assured him.

"You really think so?"

"Definitely. There's something so strange about love. It comes at the most inconvenient times and sometimes it hurts like hell, but, when it's real, it can withstand even the most trying times."

Blaine felt like crying. This was exactly what he had needed.

"Thank you, Elyse. How did I ever find you?"

"Some people walk into your life right when you need them," she said, smiling. "And I've been told I've got one killer walk," she joked, winking.

"I'm so glad that you did," Blaine said, laughing softly. "And Elyse?"

"Yes?"

"I think you might be right. Kurt will come back."

"I am. But, Blaine, don't hesitate to call me in the meantime if you need anything – or anyone to talk to."

"Alright. I promise."

-s-

It was strange, being surrounded by millions of people in one of the largest metropolitan centers of the world yet still feeling isolated. There's a point when the sounds of the traffic, the chatter of the crowds, and the music of the city all begin to blur together until they become meaningless, reduced to a dull hum, the background noise of daily life.

It was quiet around the apartment and the boutique, save the few days Blaine had to make a trip across town for fabric or to meet with local newspapers and magazines interested in featuring him and the launch of the line.

His conversations with Elyse had been helping a lot, but it still wasn't enough to calm his mind and ease his heart. One evening, he sat down and took out a notebook in attempt to clear his mind and empty out a bit of what had been cycling through it lately.

At first, when Blaine began scribbling down little bits and pieces of things from his day, he was merely marking his progress as he finished up the line, but, soon enough, his entries took on a whole new tone. He found that he was writing as if he was talking to Kurt, jotting down all of the things that triggered thoughts of him.

Sometimes he wrote about things that he wanted to remember, to tell Kurt when he returned home so that he wouldn't miss anything too important. Other times, it was a question to an absent ear, a why or a how. Mostly, he would note something silly he saw, something that had happened that Kurt should have been there to share with him; but he would also write of the days that were most difficult to get through, pouring out his frustrations and anger onto the pages as if Kurt could hear him, would hear him and understand, and would be able to somehow reassure him that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

_**July 7th**_

_**I had an 'I wish you were here' moment today. Truth be told, I have them every day. But I couldn't believe what happened. For as long as I've lived in New York, I've known that celebrities live in the city, but I had never actually seen one. Until today. I was on my way down 5th Avenue when I very nearly ran into Liza Minnelli. Okay, so it wasn't really her, but this woman looked exactly like her! You would have gotten a kick out of it. Imagine my disappointment when I realized the truth. Now that I think about it, I wonder if it was even a woman or a really fabulous drag queen. That one might keep me up at night.**_

* * *

_**July 12th**_

_**Here I am again. Still here. And you are wherever you are. Someone knocked on the door of the apartment today, and I had a moment of hope. But then I realized there's no reason for you to knock. I answered the door to a guy around our age, and he told me he had just moved into the building and was new to the neighborhood. He told me his name is Daniel. I did my best to welcome him and be cordial, but I must have given him the wrong impression because he asked me out for coffee. I declined immediately. I couldn't help but imagine how it would have played out if you had been here. I just thought back to that time when we went dancing at a club and Hair Guy tried to dance with me and you weren't having any of it. I almost felt bad about the drink you 'accidentally' spilled on the crotch of his Marciano GUESS jeans. And I laughed to myself. God, I miss you - even when you have your moments of unnecessary jealousy and the need to be an unforgiving asshole. Because you know I'm yours. Always.**_

* * *

_**July 14th**_

_**I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach all day today. I just couldn't shake it. I was in between model fittings and other errands when I stopped in a coffee shop for a quick fix. On my way back to the boutique, I saw a young gay couple walking down the street holding hands. And I realized that I've almost forgotten what it feels like. I had to rush back to the boutique before I broke down right there on the street in front of everyone. I'm pathetic. You should be here. You shouldn't have left me feeling this sick and lonely. I want to hold your hand, Kurt. Is that too much to ask for?**_

* * *

_**July 15th**_

_**I'm pissed. I'm pissed at you, Kurt. Why would you just leave? Did you think that I wouldn't be there for you? Did you really think that I didn't care about you, that I didn't want everything that was us? You're being a coward. Life gets difficult sometimes, and you have to learn how to deal with it and get past it. And sometimes things are really fucked up. But, Kurt, I hope you aren't just giving up, because I know you're stronger than that. You are.**_

* * *

_**July 20th**_

_**A new Thai restaurant just opened up around the corner from our building. I smell the food cooking when I walk by on my way home. I keep wanting to go in, but then I stop myself. I don't want to try it without you. Come back soon, okay?**_

* * *

_**July 21st**_

_**I miss you.**_

* * *

_**July 26th**_

_**I'm so lost without you. I can't even take care of myself. I opened the fridge this morning and noticed that the milk had spoiled. Two weeks ago. You were always the one to make sure these things didn't go unchecked because lord knows I'm an incapable idiot. If I've been missing things like that, then I can't even imagine the other things I'm messing up because I don't have you here to keep me on track. I've flown off the track. I've wrecked.**_

* * *

_**July 29th**_

_**I went shopping today for a new pair of shoes because some asshole in the neighborhood doesn't understand that when your dog craps on the sidewalk, you clean it up. It must have been a large dog too. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I stopped by Bloomingdale's and wandered around aimlessly for a little while before actually looking for shoes. When I passed the section with bags, I saw this Marc Jacobs pebbled leather messenger bag that you would absolutely love. It's perfect. I bought it for you. It's here waiting for you. I'm here waiting for you.**_

* * *

_**July 31st**_

_**On the subway ride home tonight my mind was elsewhere, and I carelessly failed to grab the bar before the train started. It jolted forward, I lost my balance and nearly fell face forward into one of the seats where a disgruntled old woman had been seated. I was so embarrassed. I guess I was so used to you being there to hold me up when the cars are packed. You keep me steady in more ways than one, Kurt. I can't find my balance without you, the yin to my yang. I just want to hold you again.**_


	6. Chapter Six: A House is Not a Home

Kurt rolled over, pulling the covers up around himself. He slowly blinked open his eyes and peered around the room. Each day he woke up here, it took him a moment to remember where he was. Although this was his room, and he was surrounded by bits and pieces of his childhood, it was familiar, yet, so alien at the same time. He sat up slowly, the smell of frying bacon and pancakes reached his nose, and he pulled on a t-shirt before making his way downstairs. The empty feeling in his stomach that he'd had since he left the city still hadn't gone away, and he knew it was an emptiness that food wouldn't cure.

When he reached the kitchen, his father turned around and gave him a nod accompanied by a sad grin.

"G'morning, kiddo. You sleep alright?"

"Yeah. And I feel a little better today," Kurt said through a yawn. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering slightly from the air conditioning, and glanced around the kitchen, his eyes scanning the cabinets and the appliances until his father's voice brought his attention back.

"So, are you ready to tell me why you showed up on my doorstep three days ago, unannounced and at an ungodly hour looking like a complete mess? You had me worried, Kurt," Burt said as he turned the stove off and turned toward him.

"Dad?" Kurt said in a small voice after a long silence.

"Yes?"

"I really fucked up," Kurt said, collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs. He rested his elbows on the table, hunching forward, and placed his head between his palms.

Burt was taken aback by the frankness of Kurt's statement, and he studied his face, trying his best to read him. He cleared his throat.

"Are you and Blaine okay?"

"I don't know," Kurt answered.

"But he's still in New York?"

"Yeah. And I feel terrible about leaving him like I did, but I knew I needed to get away before I hurt him any more than I already have." Kurt felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. He shook his head and sniffled.

"Did something happen between you two? Has Blaine been treating you right? It's not like you to run from your problems."

"We had a fight. It was pretty bad, and I said some things I shouldn't have. Blaine also said some things that I'm sure he didn't mean, but it really got to me," Kurt explained.

"So you flew all the way back to Ohio? Was that really necessary?"

"I don't know, Dad. I panicked. I don't know what I need, but I felt like I was suffocating. Everything was going great – I mean, our line is nearly finished, preparations for the show were nearly complete, but I – I'm not _happy_."

Burt pulled a chair out at the table and sat down. He folded his hands on the table in front of him and let out a heavy sigh.

"That's a tough thing to measure - happiness. But if everything was going so well with work, then I don't understand why you're down. Are you not happy with Blaine anymore?"

"No, no, of course not. I _love_ Blaine," Kurt blurted out, surprising even himself. He quickly recovered his initial train of thought. "Well, I will admit that things have gotten a little bland lately, but that's just because we're both so invested in this line - things are always so hectic - but once it's launched, things will calm down and we'll be able to reconnect."

"Okay. That's good, Kurt. But then what's the problem? I think there's more to this whole situation than you're letting on."

"I left because I didn't want what happened before to happen with Blaine – the nightmare really messed me up, and I took it out on him. I know it's not his fault, but - I got scared. Damn it, I hate that I'm still - " Kurt cut himself off. He closed his eyes tightly, blinking back tears.

"What do you mean? What happened before?" Burt asked slowly.

"Um, well - " Kurt stammered, remembering that he had never actually told his dad about what happened with Dave.

"Nightmares? What nightmares? As far as I knew, you haven't had a nightmare since you thought there was a ghost in the attic and a tickle monster under the bed," Burt grinned, momentarily distracted by the memory of little Kurt running into his room at three in the morning asking to climb into his bed because he couldn't sleep.

Kurt laughed halfheartedly. "Dad – there's something I never told you about. Something that happened to me when I was still in high school," he said. Then he paused, the next part coming out shaky. "Do you remember Dave Karofsky?"

"That jerk who used to pick on you? Yeah, what about him?"

"We – um – we sorta dated," and he suddenly felt like he was sixteen again, having to face up to his father for something stupid he did like forgetting to fill the gas tank after borrowing the car or forgetting to feed the fish.

"You what?!"

"Dad, high school was not a proud time for me. I was a mess of a teenager. I felt so lost, so weak, and like no one cared that I was depressed. And Dave always made sure I would come home with fresh bruises and scrapes every day. It was horrible."

Kurt shuddered at the memory.

"Then one day, he told me he loved me. And I don't know, it made me feel wanted, in a way. I thought that I was helping him, or something, but - do you remember the day I came home and locked myself in my room and wouldn't come out all weekend?"

"Yeah, and I was pissed at you because I knew you were hurting, and you wouldn't let me help. You wouldn't even let me in."

"I didn't want to face you. I couldn't. I was completely broken, used." Kurt rose from his chair and crossed the kitchen to the window. He gazed out across the backyard, preparing himself to continue. "I'd just had sex with him – he kept pushing and pushing, and he was so much stronger than me," Kurt said, his back still to his father.

"Kurt – no," Burt said, rising to his feet.

Kurt turned around and faced his dad. His lip trembled, and he bit down on it to still it.

"I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it." Tears began to roll down his cheeks, and then he was rushing towards his dad, burying his face into the shoulder of his flannel.

Burt wrapped his arms around Kurt but stared over his shoulder, his eyes wide and unfocused. This was his baby. He had no idea the damage that had been done, what Kurt had been holding in for so many years. But he stood there in his kitchen, the weight of his grown son's body against his, as tears soaked his shirt.

"I love you, Kurt – so much. You're gonna be alright. Everything is gonna be alright," Burt spoke quietly, almost as if trying to reassure himself rather than Kurt.

Kurt had always been so strong, but, having learned that he had been harboring this pain all these years, Burt felt like he had failed in some way, as if he should have been able to save Kurt, to prevent any of what happened from happening. And he was angry. Although he felt he had no right to be, Burt was angry that Kurt had lied to him, hadn't let him get close to him. How was he supposed to be there for him if Kurt wouldn't let him?

But right now was not the time to feel any of these bitter feelings. It wouldn't do any good. Now, Kurt needed him, was letting him in, and Kurt was hurting badly. He wondered if Blaine had known about all of this.

"Kurt, does Blaine know?"

"Yes," he said. "He's known for a while."

Lord, Burt thought. They were only kids. No wonder their relationship was rocky. But he knew that Blaine was nothing but a positive force in Kurt's life, a source of comfort and support, and there was no way he would let him lose him now. Not over one fight. Burt let go of Kurt and cleared his throat.

"Uh, Kurt," he began hesitantly as he registered the presence of the forgotten breakfast, abandoned on the stove top. "Why don't you try to eat something before it gets cold. I need to go into the shop for a few hours, but I'll be back home this evening. Finn said he'd be coming over to visit," Burt lied. "Maybe you two can catch up."

"Oh," Kurt said, wiping moisture from his face and chuckling quietly at the unexpected turn of events; what was supposed to be a quiet breakfast had so quickly turned into a hefty confessional. "Alright, Dad. It'll be nice to see Finn. Have a good day at work."

Once he climbed into his SUV and closed the door, Burt pulled off his hat and threw it into the passenger seat. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, and felt himself begin to shake. After a few moments, his anger began to subside, and he ran his hands down his face, hoping that he could keep calm enough to drive. He reached over and put his hat back on, then called Finn and asked him to stop by the house, explaining that Kurt was there and how he just wanted him to have company so he wouldn't be alone. Finn happily obliged.

-s-

About an hour later, the doorbell rang, and Kurt got up to let Finn in.

"How have you been, little brother?" Finn asked, pulling Kurt into a hug.

"I'm okay," Kurt said, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of security that his stepbrother's long arms and large body offered him, if only for a brief moment.

"What brings you back to Ohio? I thought you were working hard, preparing for some event," Finn asked, pulling away.

"I was, but I needed a break. How have you been? I'm not sure I want to talk about me," Kurt said, making his way over to the sofa to have a seat. Finn followed, habitually reaching for the remote as he settled in.

"I'm great. I've been working down at the shop doing some manager duties, but I've also been volunteering at the local fire department," he said with a grin.

"That's great, Finn. How are Rachel and…"

"Collin – he's amazing. He's getting so big. It's really hard to believe, man. Fourth of July is coming up, and I'll be bringing him over here – if you hang around," Finn grinned fondly at the thought of his family all together.

Collin had been a surprise. Kurt received a phone call one night from a frantic Finn about not being ready and a baby or something followed quickly by another phone call from a very excited Burt about his first grandchild. Kurt was overwhelmed by the news, but when Finn sent him the first picture of the tiny, baby boy, Kurt immediately grew a soft spot for the little tyke. However, his distance from home had meant that he hadn't seen Collin in person yet.

"I can't wait to see him," Kurt said. "I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'll stay around for that. Besides, I miss seeing all of you guys." Kurt sighed and sank lower into the cushions as he looked affectionately at Finn.

"We miss you too, but you've been carving out your life in New York, and we know how important that is to you," he said. Then he noticed a weariness in Kurt's expression, and, although he wasn't too great at reading people, he could tell Kurt had been crying. It was a look that he had become all too familiar with back in high school.

"Kurt," he began, "I know you said you don't want to talk about you, but what's going on with Blaine?"

"Oh my god, did Dad say something to you?"

"No - well, sorta. He didn't tell me anything, just that you might need company," Finn quickly mumbled, shifting in his seat. "It's just that your visit was kinda sudden and unexpected."

"It's a _bit_ complicated, Finn," Kurt admitted.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, Kurt. I only asked because Burt seemed worried about something." He shrugged.

"I finally told him about Dave," Kurt said.

"Oh." Finn scrunched his forehead in concentration as he recalled his former teammate and a mass of mostly fuzzy memories of high school.

"But there were things that happened that no one knew about. I was good at hiding things that, in hindsight, I shouldn't have, because they're causing me more problems than it's worth," Kurt continued.

"I think everyone knew you two were - you know," Finn said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I know that. But there was more to 'us' than what people saw. I mean, every relationship has its issues. You and Rachel - you've hurt each other before with cheating and other relationship woes, but you two worked it out, and you knew that you loved each other all along."

"Well, yeah - but I didn't know about any problems you two had. I just know it ended immediately after graduation."

"No, no - what we had wasn't a typical relationship. I let Dave use me, thinking that I had no other choice. I knew he didn't love me, not like you love Rachel, and I let him get too close. And we did have sex, but it was as far from intimate or meaningful as it could be. It messed me up, and when I met Blaine, I thought that things would magically get better. But there are things - memories and feelings - in my mind that I can't get rid of. I know I'm not broken, but I don't feel whole. And sometimes, I feel like I'm doing something wrong when Blaine and I are intimate, like he deserves better than the damaged goods that I am," Kurt finished, closing his eyes for a moment.

"You're not damaged goods, Kurt. It's not right what he did to you, and you can't blame yourself."

"That's easy for _you_ to say," Kurt said, rolling his eyes and then looking away.

"Don't act all high and mighty, Kurt. We all have moments of weakness, times in our lives when we feel worthless and like there's something wrong with us, " Finn said, a hint of frustration in his voice.

Alerted by the embittered tone in Finn's voice, Kurt turned back toward him, a puzzled expression on his face. Surely he must have missed something. There was no way that Finn Hudson, the amazing-singing quarterback-homecoming king-extraordinaire could have ever experienced such a feeling.

"You're not the only one with secrets, Kurt."

Kurt's eyes grew wide, and he raised his eyebrows at Finn, his silence and expression of curiosity a cue for Finn to go on. Finn shifted in his seat on the couch again.

"During our senior year when all of you guys were so sure of where you were going and what you wanted to be, I was lost. I didn't get that football scholarship. I'm not smart like you, and I wasn't nearly as talented as any of you to even think about singing or acting or whatever. My grades sucked, and I wasn't going anywhere. I was a Lima loser, pure garbage," Finn said with a heavy heart.

"Finn," Kurt said quietly.

"Rachel was heading out to New York, and I didn't see a point in living anymore. I - I wanted to end my life, Kurt," he said, the last few words coming out strangled.

"My god," Kurt said, barely more than a whisper. He couldn't even imagine. He had been down before and felt lower than low, but he had never contemplated taking his own life. He was more afraid that someone else would do it.

"But I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel bad for me. I wanted you to know that you're not alone, and there are ways of getting better. I talked to someone, a doctor. Talking about my problems helped me out. And she helped me see that I had options. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't gotten help. I think you should talk to someone too," Finn said.

"I had no idea, Finn. Thank you - I mean, it means a lot to me that you opened up about that to me. And you're right, it wasn't fair for me to assume that you wouldn't understand."

Kurt grew quiet, staring through the glass surface of the coffee table. He tried to discern between the cacophonous thoughts at war in his head as he allowed Finn's words to sink in.

"So, this - therapy? It really did help you?" Kurt asked, finally looking up at Finn again.

"Yeah. It was one of my better ideas," he said. "Way better than that time I thought it would be funny to climb up the side of the school with Puck to spraypaint a ten-foot dick on the roof." Finn smirked, feeling embarrassed by the memory of his glory days.

Kurt gasped and laughed hysterically for a moment. Oh yes, he could recall now the night when the police brought Finn back to the house looking like a whipped puppy, his face and neck redder than the paint on his hands and the dye in his letterman jacket.

"I think so too. You've certainly come a long way - you seem to have your life together -, and I can tell it really helped you." Kurt swallowed thickly. "I guess I can swallow my pride and make an appointment."

"Trust me. You'll feel better," Finn said.

"But - I don't need any drugs. I'm not depressed, and I don't want them pushing anything on me," Kurt said.

"They won't. It's just someone to talk to, someone with an outside perspective," Finn explained.

"Okay, I'll make some calls tomorrow," Kurt said, as he felt himself commit to doing everything he could to burn the bridges that still connected him to his past. He was finding that Finn was wiser than he had ever believed or had given him credit for in the past.

-s-

"Hey little buddy," Kurt said as he reached into the car seat and lifted Collin out and into his arms.

"Whoa, you're heavy, aren't you," he cooed.

"Thanks, man. I think he likes you," Finn said as he watched Kurt bounce Collin gently against his chest. "You're like a natural or something."

"I don't understand how," Kurt laughed. "I've never had any younger siblings or cousins to look after. You are _so_ cute!" Kurt said, turning his attention back to the baby in his arms. He kissed him gently on the forehead before turning to walk towards the house.

"Everyone's out back already," Kurt informed Finn. "Dad's really excited to have everyone here."

"I've got the diaper bag," Rachel said as she came walking up beside them. She wrapped her arm around Finn's. "He'll probably get hungry again soon - he eats so much, like his father -" she poked fun at Finn who grinned in spite of himself.

Once out back, Kurt, Finn, and Rachel, situated themselves around a table on the patio while Burt manned the grill and Carole busied herself inside with the preparation of other dishes.

"Hey, Rachel," Kurt said, finally addressing her. It wasn't that he was still bitter towards her, but he wasn't warming up to her any time soon either. He knew he would eventually have to be civil because she was his sister-in-law, and he was still finding the whole situation difficult to get used to.

"How's New York, Kurt?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence.

Kurt, realizing Rachel's sudden change in demeanor, knew how hungry she must be for the information. After choking during her audition for one of New York's best performing arts schools, Rachel decided to apply to a local school for theater, which also made it possible to stay with Finn. Kurt, who had focused all his attention on his designs and fashion, blew the acceptance committee away at FIT with his portfolio and geared up to finally make his escape. When all was said and done, Kurt viewed this outcome as poetic justice. However, he sort of felt bad for Rachel who, admittedly, had quite some talent despite her huge ego and condescending personality.

"It's great," Kurt said. "We - I have a boutique now," he told her.

"Oh. That sounds - great," she responded with a small smile.

"It is. It's not like business is booming yet, but it's a gradual process, and the launch of the spring line should draw more attention," Kurt explained. "It's been a real struggle at times just to stay on track, though."

"Do you get to go to many Broadway shows?" she asked.

"Oh! No, not lately. I've been too busy, but it is nice to know that everything's right there in the city if I get the chance. But - how have you been?" Kurt asked, wishing to avert the attention from himself. Besides, he knew Rachel would want to talk about herself, especially because, as great as her desire to hear about it was, New York was too painful of a subject to linger too long on.

"I've been involved with a few local theater groups," Rachel explained. "Directing, choreographing, and occasionally acting. And Allen County Community college wants to hire me as an adjunct drama professor," she said.

"That's excellent, Rach," Kurt said.

"I really do enjoy working with the children and getting more young adults involved in the theater. Finn stops by and helps out sometimes, too," she said, smiling at Finn.

"Yeah, I wouldn't really call it helping though. It's more like I sit there and get in the way just so I can stare at my beautiful wife," he teased her. Collin began to make quiet whimpering sounds, and Rachel looked over at him and began to gently rock him in his seat to calm him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be around for the wedding," Kurt said.

"It's okay," Rachel said, looking back up.

"It looks like you guys have been doing really well," Kurt said.

"We have. This little guy here was a bit of a surprise, but, even if I could, I wouldn't change how anything happened," Rachel said, another sad smile spreading across her lips.

And almost on cue, Collin began to cry.

"Excuse me," Rachel said, "it's time to go feed him. Sorry to cut this short," she apologized, getting up from the table to take the baby into the house.

Looking at Rachel and all her wasted potential made him begin to examine his own circumstances. No. It was wrong to look at it that way, because she was still doing what she loved, but she would probably never have the opportunity to live her dream on Broadway. He knew that he should be more grateful for how his life panned out so far, and he was, but he wondered if maybe it was wrong at all to be as upset as he was. Despite their past, Kurt felt bad for her, but, if she and Finn were happy, then he would be happy for them.

"Burgers are ready," Burt called over from the grill. "And there's a veggie burger inside for Rachel whenever she gets the chance to feed herself," he added.

"Thanks, Burt," Finn said.

"No problem."

Now that they were alone for a moment, Finn turned to Kurt.

"So, Kurt," Finn began hesitantly, but Kurt knew exactly where this was heading.

"Yes, the sessions have been going well," he said calmly. "Ya know, I guess I didn't realize just how good I had it. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I can tell how heartbroken Rachel is over everything. She loves you like crazy, Finn, but she never got to go to New York and escape from here - and I did. I got away," Kurt said.

"Trust me, I know, and I felt guilty about it. I tried to talk her out of staying here, but she was stubborn," Finn said, rolling his eyes.

"Rachel? Stubborn? That's preposterous," Kurt joked. They both laughed quietly. "But, on a more serious note, I miss Blaine. Seeing you two happy together is making it that much more painful for me," Kurt explained.

"You'll work everything out. Things don't usually turn out as you'd expect or want them to, but sometimes just having someone you really love by your side can turn any situation into a good one," Finn said.

"I'm not ready, yet - to go back, I mean. Maybe soon, though. I'm finding it much easier to talk about everything that happened, and it somehow helps to be back at the root of things where it all took place," Kurt said.

"That's really good to hear, Kurt," Finn said. "I'm glad you're around, too. It's nice to get to spend time with you like this."

"Same, Finn," Kurt smiled.

Rachel came back outside, the baby on one hip, and balancing a plate in her other hand, and Kurt stood up to take Collin off her hands.

"Thank you, Kurt," Rachel said genuinely. "It'll be nice to get to eat for once without tiny hands grabbing at everything."

"It's my pleasure," Kurt said. He sat down and gazed into Collin's large, round, brown eyes. Spit began to bubble by his mouth as he let out a soft coo, and Kurt melted, giggling. Looking tenderly at the new, fragile, life before him, the one he held so carefully in his arms, gave him a new sense of hope. Finn was right about everything. Kurt had somehow allowed himself to forget how lucky he was to have Blaine, even if their plans had to change, or things became rocky at times. Collin smiled a toothless smile at Kurt, and Kurt laughed again.

-s-

Kurt hadn't realized how quiet Ohio was and how small everything felt. After weeks of being cooped up in the house, leaving only for his weekly sessions, he decided to revisit some of his old haunts. But as he drove and stopped by each place along the way, he felt like he was traveling backwards, driving right into the past to where it all began: from the Lima Bean to the mall to the park by the river to his final destination. He pulled into the McKinley High parking lot, shifted the gear into park, and turned off the engine.

Typical of the summer months, the school grounds were a ghost town, inhabited only by the occasional janitor or administrative staff. He slowly swung open the door of his car and stepped out, the gravel crunching under the rubber soles of his boots as he began to move forward. As his feet began to fall in a steady rhythm, his reluctant amble became something of a march, heel to toe, heel to toe, gradually picking up speed with every few steps.

The clouds floated languidly across the sky, and the midsummer sun glared down on the building, reflecting off the glass in the two sets of large, double doors at the main entrance of the school. A light breeze drifted through, disturbing the still air, catching the light, cotton fabric of an old T-shirt Kurt had found in the bottom of a dresser drawer, a relic of one of his first high school musical productions. It was a little tight on him now, but when he dressed in the morning, he hadn't been concerned with presentation; when he went out, he wasn't intending to draw attention to himself.

He ascended the stone steps and paused right before the entrance, unsure of whether or not he wanted to cross the threshold, to ring the buzzer to summon a janitor who might admit him to wander for a bit for the sake of sentimentality.

It was strange, though. The negative energy that used to radiate from the school, which repelled and repulsed him day after day for four long years was - gone. All was calm, as if the building had fallen into a deep slumber, rid of the evil and the monsters that had once inhabited it and crept along its halls.

After graduation, Kurt had left the school and never looked back.

But he wondered what it would be like to walk the halls now, ten years out - would it conjure too many ill thoughts? Would he feel nothing at all? He wondered how much had changed - how many of the same teachers still remained. Were there many new faces? He couldn't really know.

But he knew it _had_ all changed, and so had he.

Kurt let out a heavy sigh. He turned his head toward the football field as another warm breeze blew by, cooling the beads of sweat now forming on his skin. He watched the blades of grass ripple gently like small waves in a perfectly manicured, rectangular, green ocean. The field was like a large graveyard in which were buried the remnants of that which had haunted him - the old stomping grounds of the mighty Titans who had long fallen from glory.

His feet carried him toward the field; he wasn't sure why, but something seemed to be calling to him, drawing him in. When he marched through the chain-link fence and passed the bleachers, he found himself at the fifty-yard line. He stood there for a moment before revolving slowly around, gazing upon the empty stands, the back of the school, and then the surrounding open fields that isolated it.

Then he sank down, nearly collapsing onto his knees. He let himself fall back, and he lay supine on the ground, stretching his limbs out, breathing in heavily as he took in the sky and the clouds; he had never noticed before how endless and open it looked. And although the sun was beating down hard on his face, slowly boiling his blood and tinging his skin a light pink, the grass was comfortably cool on the back of his neck, arms, and legs. He closed his eyes and stretched his arms out at his sides, grasping the grass and digging his fingertips into the cool soil, the earthy scents taking over his senses. He stretched his legs out, pointing his toes into the distance.

He never could have done anything like this in New York. Here, it was quiet, save for the soft chirping and lilt of birdsong from the feathered creatures in nearby trees or soaring overhead.

Nothing could touch him here. No one was here to push him to stay or to go. Here, he was whole again, balanced. And he just laid there, still, and could almost swear he could feel the earth turning beneath his body, breathing in sync with his own. There's a word for this, Kurt thought.

Serenity.

He wasn't Kurt Hummel, fragile, wide-eyed, naive teenager anymore, restrained by the invisible fetters that were the judgments and the abuse of this small town that once held him captive.

He was Kurt Hummel, up-and-coming New York-based fashion designer, co-owner of _emBarK_ boutique and soon-to-be-launched signature line by the same name, and partner of the equally fabulous Blaine Anderson.

So what was he doing?

He opened his eyes. He was still himself, but a completely evolved, better version of himself.

He breathed in. After a moment, he released the breath.

Kurt rose from the ground, dusted the pieces of grass off of his shirt, shorts, bare legs and arms, straightened out his outfit, and stood up, rising to his full height. And he walked back off the field, back toward his car where it sat in the empty student lot. When he turned his key in the ignition, he felt tears begin to run their course down his face. And he laughed, softly at first, until he was laughing boisterously, his whole body shaking, while simultaneously wiping away his tears.

-s-

When he walked through the front door, Burt turned to him.

"You alright there, Kurt?"

Kurt let out a heavy breath. He lifted his eyes to meet his father's and grinned.

"I've never been better."


	7. Chapter Seven: In Print

Blaine stood outside the interview room at the Marie Claire headquarters. He looked down at his wristwatch, straightened his bow tie, and ran his hands over his hair to make sure his gel was still holding up. He fidgeted for a moment, and then the door opened to let him in.

"It's great to meet you, Mr. Anderson," the woman said, extending her hand. "The interview today should be fairly quick. I'll only be asking a few questions about how you've been faring since your big win. Sit down and get comfortable," she motioned towards a chair across from her own.

Blaine shifted in his seat in attempt to find a comfortable position, blinking at the bright camera lights directed his way. It wasn't going to be televised or anything. The video was simply for their record and to ensure dictation accuracy. But the presence of the camera heightened his nerves nonetheless.

The interviewer did only ask a few questions, but they were questions that required long, drawn-out, detailed answers. She brought up Kurt at one point, and he fell apart inside. He didn't want to talk about it, but Kurt's absence had them suspicious. In attempt to avoid further questions about Kurt, he answered, "yes, we are still working together on the line and label."

When Blaine finished answering the final question, he felt emotionally drained. It was as if he had just spilled out his entire life story - which he technically had. As important a feature as this was to him and Kurt and for the business, he was grateful for it to be over.

-s-

Blaine's phone buzzed on the dresser, and he rushed to pick it up. His breath caught in his chest as he looked at the number of the incoming call, a number he didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Hey – Blaine?" came a vaguely familiar voice from the other end.

"Yes, this is he –" he spoke hesitantly.

"It's Burt."

"Oh," Blaine said, caught off guard. He paused for a moment to process, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, Mr. Hummel," Blaine said, still altogether confused.

"I wanted to contact you sooner, but it took a while for me to get a hold of Kurt's phone to get your number off of it – he guards that thing with his life," he explained.

"Kurt – he's there – he's with you? In Ohio?" Blaine felt a wave of relief wash over him. This little bit of knowledge about Kurt's whereabouts generated a spark of hope within him.

"Yeah. I knew you'd be worried, so I wanted to let you know that he's okay," Burt said.

"He's okay…Mr. Hummel –"

"Yeah?"

"Um, I don't know what to say. Thank you – I mean, I know Kurt doesn't want to talk to me, but it makes me feel so much better to know he's safe," Blaine said.

"He's been dealing with some things, Blaine. I know it's been difficult for you two, and I don't know how much longer Kurt will want to stay here, but I wouldn't worry too much. He'll come around. You two love each other, and everything will work itself out," Burt said.

"I – I'm - I need to go now," Blaine stammered, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by Burt's words. "I'm so sorry, but - it means the world to me that you called."

"No problem. Goodnight, Blaine."

"Bye," Blaine said as he disconnected the call.

Good news. Finally, he received good news for once. As broken up as he still was about the situation, Blaine felt relieved knowing that Burt was on his side and that he was concerned about Blaine's feelings. And he believed that Kurt would come back to him. Actually, this was the greatest news he could possibly receive, and he would cling to the reinvigorated hope it gave him.

-s-

Kurt pressed the power button on the desktop computer in the spare-bedroom-turned-office. The screen lit up slowly, and he waited patiently to get past the login screen.

He hadn't been on the internet in days, and, although he knew it would kill him, he was craving a dose of what was happening in New York. As he clicked into the search engine and typed in some of his usual haunts, something caught his eye. He saw Blaine's name along with the title of a _Marie Claire_ article. He hesitated before he clicked it, knowing that, no matter what, it would hurt, but then the page came up, and there was Blaine smiling at the top of the article. His eyes lingered longingly on the picture for a moment before he began reading through the text below:

* * *

_"Blaine Anderson: Life after Project Runway"_

_Chicago native Blaine Anderson was once a teenager with a big dream. Taught to sew at an early age, he worked his way into the fashion industry and into our hearts by appearing on Project Runway's eighth season. But he really made a name for himself after his victory on Project Runway's All Star season during which he competed against top designers from previous seasons. We caught up with Blaine to see how he has been 'making it work' since the show._

_"It was kinda a big deal," Anderson tells us. "I was such a huge fan of the show for years, and I never imagined I would get a chance to be on it - twice!" We watched him rise to the top and take each challenge head on with his usual finesse, but what was always on our minds was the budding romance between himself and the competition, more specifically, one Kurt Hummel. "Uh, I - I don't know. We didn't click at first, but I got to know him better, and something just - happened."_

_Blaine sits before us, poised, in a red and white checkered dress shirt, gray capris, and matching bow tie. He's put together all the way down to his navy Tommy Hilfiger shoes. Slick with gel, not a hair on his head is out of place, his hands crossed on his legs before him, his face grows serious for a moment. In his nerd-chic getup, Blaine resembles a classy rock star circa 1950s._

_"I really admired him and his work," he confessed. "It was really wonderful how everything panned out." Following the win, Blaine and Kurt made a decision, something we had never seen before, to go into business together. Their collaborative line launches this fall at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, and we asked him a little about it. "We came up with the name 'emBarK' - the 'B' for me and the 'K' to acknowledge Kurt. It's sort of a play on the natural, a theme we both really connect with, but it's also a play on the idea of new beginnings, a journey, or a launching of something bigger than ourselves - 'embark'." Speaking of journeys and new beginnings, we wondered if Blaine had anything else planned for his future with Kurt. "It's difficult, but, yes. I think there's a chance of something more," he spoke quietly, his face a full-on flush. When further questioned, Blaine appeared distracted, so we steered the conversation back toward the line. "I'm very excited to be presenting not only our work, but some very talented models we were lucky enough to bring onto our team," he explained. "I really feel confident that people will understand our vision and respond well to it."_

_We asked Blaine how his family felt about his growing fame. "My mother is very proud of me, and I love her so much. I have her to thank for everything that I know, and I'd be nowhere without her. It was a little tough leaving her and my brother behind at home, but they really support me and everything I'm trying to do. My brother visits occasionally, so that's really nice." The younger of two boys, Blaine was raised in the city by his single mother and spent much of his time in the park district and along Lake Michigan, admittedly his favorite haunt. "I used to ride my bike a lot during the summer months, and it was always nice to mix with people at the pier and to watch the boats as they glided across the water or sat bobbing at the docks." Chicago winters are responsible for Blaine's love of thick, wool scarves and equally as practical, yet fashionable pea coats. "I was never really much for wearing the latest fashion, but I look up to many of the big designers and love creating innovative and interesting pieces that I hope haven't been seen before." _

_Blaine wasn't brought up living an extravagant lifestyle, but he admits that he was very fortunate to be able to attend a private high school where he boarded and became a very valuable member of the show choir there. "Music has always been a huge part of my life, and I look back fondly on my performing days. It was a lot of fun." In his school days, he worked hard and excelled academically, but he never pursued anything past two years of college. "After high school, I really began to design and it became my life. I didn't have much of a reason to further my education, because I knew this was what I wanted to do. When I was chosen for the show, it only made me more proud of my decision and reassured me that I had made the right one."_

* * *

Kurt's eyes roamed over the final sentence of the article. He sighed and then clicked to close out the page. His fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment as he bit his lip before deciding to turn off the monitor. He was torn between happiness and gratitude and resentment toward Blaine for continuing the line in his absence. Kurt wanted Blaine to be okay, to be happy, but it really hurt to read the interview when he knew that they were meant to be there together. He had been projecting the anger he felt toward himself onto Blaine, and he realized that that wasn't fair at all.

Kurt pushed the chair out, got up, and stretched before making his way toward his bedroom. His father and Carole had already gone to sleep, and the stillness in the house was only making his thoughts all too loud in his head.

When he laid down and pulled the covers up over himself, Kurt knew he couldn't escape. But he didn't want to anymore. Instead, he wanted to face himself and work past his problems for good. He knew Blaine needed him, and he also needed Blaine. Tears began to roll down his face as he thought about how much Blaine must be hurting without him, how difficult it must have been to talk about them and their future when he had left him in the dark.

He thought back to the session he had earlier that day. Overall, the meetings with the therapist had been going well, but today, during his final session, something happened that really made Kurt think.

_"We've been meeting for a few weeks now, Kurt, and I've definitely noticed a shift in your attitude. You've delved into some very difficult topics, and I know it wasn't easy for you. When we began here, I asked you what you expected to get out of our meetings, and you weren't really sure. Do you remember what you told me that day?"_

_"Yes, I think so. I said that I wanted to be able to feel like I'm worth something - to feel better and good enough. I wanted to be able to get over everything that happened in my past so that I could go back to my life able to cope with the stress and able to work things out with Blaine."_

_"Because you love him, and you see a future with him?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And he does make you feel like you're worth something?"_

_"Of course. Blaine makes me feel so loved. And he's my everything. Since the first day I met him, all he's ever been is receptive and calm and earnest. He was almost unreal, so much so that I hated him for it. I think he saw something in me, knew I was struggling with myself. Then he pushed me closer and closer toward the edge, but he made sure that I knew he was there waiting at the bottom, ready to catch me once I was brave enough to take the plunge. I hadn't known that __it was exactly what I needed. I made a huge decision to throw that competition - not because I felt threatened, or defeated, or like I had no other choice, but because I felt like Blaine was worth it, like loving Blaine was something I wanted to make that sacrifice for. And he is worth it. It was the first time in my life that I let myself choose who I was going to love rather than giving in and just accepting the poor excuse for love I thought I deserved."_

_"But you know that you don't need someone else for validation or to feel important? You know that you are a capable individual with many strengths?"_

_"I do. And I know that it is never worth sacrificing my own well-being for the benefit of anyone. But that's not really how it is with Blaine, although I let myself become temporarily fooled, believing that the sacrifices I was making were unwarranted. I blew it all out of proportion, and I only brought the pain upon myself. I know now that I overreacted. My visit home, though, has really put things into perspective for me, and something happened the other day that felt like a cleansing of sorts."_

_"Would you like to tell me about it?"_

_"Well - I'm not sure what made me do it, but I went back to my old high school. Not, like, inside or anything, I just walked around the grounds for a bit. There was something so peaceful about it, about being there again, it made me feel larger than all the baggage that I'd tied to that place. It's difficult to explain, but I think I had a moment of clarity."_

_"So what I'm sensing, Kurt, is that you've become comfortable with who you are and the choices you made in the past. You really do seem to have found your balance. Have the nightmares stopped?"_

_"Yeah - and I know I have no real control over it, but I feel like they're gone for good."_

_"They might come back, Kurt, but I think you will be able to handle it much better if and when they do. You know where your comfort sources are - go to them when you need it. I guess I only have one more question for you then. Do you feel like you've gotten everything out of these sessions that you had hoped for?"_

_"I think - I think that I have. I mean, yeah. And I've already been thinking much more about the potential of my relationship with Blaine, at home and with the business."_

_"I'm not sure we need to meet any further, Kurt. How do you feel about that, about ending our sessions today?"_

_"I feel great. I honestly feel like such an immense weight has been lifted off of my chest - and my conscience. I can finally look forward, and all I have now are high hopes for the future. I want to get married, live between New York and LA, dress the stars and show on all the biggest runways across the globe. And in every one of those scenarios, I see Blaine standing beside me."_

_"Then I think you know what you have to do. You've made a lot of progress these past few weeks, and I know you've had some difficult days, but the best thing for you to do is focus on your future and where you're taking yourself with your hard work and determination. You have so much passion. I won't lie to you, your past will never go away, but you have the power to create your future - not unlike you craft the clothing that you do. Ultimately, it's your choice to grasp onto the good in your life and to leave your past behind. You deserve to be happy, Kurt. Remember that."_

He rolled over onto his side and sank deeper beneath the covers. And despite the tears, a grin stretched across his face as he closed his eyes in the darkness. Kurt knew exactly what he had to do, and now he was no longer afraid that it was all too good to be true. He didn't doubt that Blaine loved him, and he knew that they were going to be more than okay. Lest he forget, Kurt Hummel always got what he wanted. But now no elaborate schemes or ambiguous romantic gestures were necessary; he just needed to do what he felt was the right thing and ask.

-s-

Having nothing to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon, Kurt was channel surfing again, amused and stumped as usual that, with so many channels, there still seemed to be nothing on. The front door creaked open, and Burt entered, kicking off his boots and trudging up the steps to change out of his work clothes. When he returned, he sat down next to Kurt who had finally found something of intrigue - Project Runway reruns - and was engrossed in the happenings on the screen, an almost ravenous look in his eyes.

"Kurt -"

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

"Of course." He turned the television off.

Burt sat down in the armchair nearly perpendicular to the couch where Kurt was seated.

"I called Blaine."

"Oh," he said quietly. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"He's worried about you, and he misses you," Burt said.

Kurt remained silent, uncertain of how to respond, but he gave his father his full attention.

"And I think it's time you went back to New York. You can't stay here, because you don't belong here. I'm not kicking you out. The choice is yours. But you have someone who loves you and who you care too much about to just leave hanging like you did. And you have your dream job that you worked so hard to get and just walked away from."

"I know."

"I'm gonna talk serious with you, Kurt. You only get so much time. You're nearing thirty, and you're still young, but you can't imagine how fast life flies by. You wake up one day, and you're in your fifties, and you're fat and bald, and you wonder where it all went and how everything came to that moment."

Kurt fixed his gaze on the floor in front of the couch.

"I would give anything to have had one more day with your mom."

"I miss her. A lot. I was young, but I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder how it would be if she could see me now. Sometimes, when I'm walking alone, I can almost swear that I can smell her perfume - and then I turn, and it's gone."

"I think she is watching you, Kurt. And I know she'd be proud. Just like I am. I don't think I could have been blessed with a better man to call my son."

"Dad - "

"Listen, Kurt. Life isn't a fantasy, but you make of it what you can. And when you find someone who loves you and cherishes you, you hold onto them for as long as life allows. Because I don't want you to get to that point where you're looking back, realizing that you made a huge mistake and then have to live with the regret for years to come. I want you to be able to wake up, turn your head, and know that the man laying beside you is the best decision you ever made."

"I - I already booked the return flight," Kurt said. When Kurt looked up and met his dad's eyes, he could see the almost tangible pride radiating from them, and his breath caught in his chest.

"You know you always have a place here, Kurt. Don't ever forget that."

"I know, and I won't."

"So when do I have to say goodbye to you again?" Burt asked, his stern facade finally breaking away as he became teary-eyed.

"I'm leaving Tuesday morning."

Burt rose from the couch, tender gaze still on his son. He began to open his arms, but Kurt didn't need to see this gesture to know. He stood up almost immediately following his dad and embraced him.


	8. Chapter Eight: Old Flames

Blaine couldn't look at the line anymore. In fact, it was difficult just to be in the boutique because he saw Kurt in everything. In order to clear his mind, Blaine went to work, placing all his energy into creating the gown for the commission he had received. There was no point in staying miserable, and, as his hands worked the fabric, he felt more at ease and in his element while his mind remained focused on the task before him and off of the absence of Kurt.

"Knock knock," came a voice from the doorway. Blaine had heard the buzzer go off and was just about to make his way to the front, but when he looked up, he saw Elyse standing there with a bag from a nearby deli, and he couldn't hold back a smile.

"I wanted to make sure you've been eating, and I was in the neighborhood anyway," she said. "I picked up some soup and sandwiches. I hope you like turkey?"

"I love turkey. Thank you so much. You really didn't have to do this," Blaine said.

"I just figured you might want some company." Elyse smiled.

"Sure, I could use a break from work. Come sit down," Blaine said, motioning to the stool opposite him.

She took a seat across from Blaine and began unpacking the food.

"Any news from Kurt?" she asked as she slid Blaine's sandwich, styrofoam cup of soup, and plastic spoon across to him.

Blaine popped the lid off of the soup, inhaled deeply as the smell of chicken broth permeated his senses, and then blew on it gently as the steam rose off the surface. He hadn't realized how hungry he actually was.

"His dad called me to tell me he was alright, but I still haven't spoken with Kurt," he answered as he slowly unwrapped his sandwich.

"I'm sorry," Elyse said.

"No, it's alright. Well, it's not alright, but I think I'm finally coming to terms with him being gone. I miss him like hell, but I can't allow myself to dwell on it when I'm fairly certain that he might never come back, and if he does, it won't ever be the same." Blaine looked down into the soup before spooning some into his mouth. The warm broth and noodles slid down the back of his throat, warming his body and giving him some comfort.

"Blaine, I really don't know what to say, but I still have faith. I believe that you two will find each other again," Elyse said. But, moving forward, she was at a loss for words and was uncertain of how to console Blaine at this point.

She lifted her sandwich to her mouth, took a bite, and they sat there in silence for some time as they ate. After all this time, the situation hadn't seemed hopeful, but she wouldn't let him give up.

-s-

Before he knew it, the sun was setting, and it was time to head home. He locked up the boutique and made his way down the sidewalk towards the subway entrance. Blaine was walking with his hands in the pockets of his pants and his head down, chin tucked in against his chest, and he was just about step off the curb to cross the street when he heard someone call his name.

"Blaine? Blaine!"

He whipped around to see who it was, and, when his eyes caught sight of a familiar figure, his stomach did a somersault.

"Sam," he nearly whispered, then, "Sam! Hey," Blaine called out as Sam quickened his pace.

"I can't believe it," Sam said and then faltered for a second as he opened his arms for a hug, and Blaine, still in shock, granted permission by walking into his arms and returning the embrace.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked when they disconnected. As Blaine's eyes scanned Sam's face and body, he noticed just how many years had passed since they had seen each other: Sam was no longer rocking the surfer cut and, instead, sported a shorter, neater cut with a bit of fringe that was swept up and styled in the front. The color of his hair had grown about a shade or two darker, and he had a neatly trimmed goatee. While Sam looked to be still in shape, he appeared to have lost a bit of his muscle mass since high school, which Blaine could only guess was attributed to no longer playing sports, at least, not as often as before.

"I was just in town for the weekend. I don't live too far from the city, actually. I know we haven't properly talked in ages, so I wouldn't expect you to know, but I went to college in Pennsylvania. I liked it there, and, last year, I moved back and just kinda settled," Sam explained.

"That's, um – that's great, Sam," Blaine said, snapping out of the daze he had entered before he began comparing Sam's current wardrobe choices to those of his past.

"I don't need to ask you why you're here. You're a bit of a celebrity," Sam said.

"No – stop it," Blaine said, shaking his head. "That's hardly what it is." And, although it was warm out, he wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly feeling exposed.

"Glad to see you're still humble. So, anyway – are you – are you busy tonight?" Sam wore an imploring expression, waiting for Blaine to give him a sign that it was indeed okay with him that he was even in Blaine's presence. They had not parted on great terms at all, and he certainly did not want to impose if Blaine was uncomfortable.

"Uh – no, not really. I just finished up work for the day. I've got nowhere to be," Blaine answered. He wasn't lying. His only plans for the night were to go home and crash on the couch with the previous night's reheated leftovers, and anything sounded better than that at the moment.

"Good. Dinner? For old time's sake?" Sam asked.

"Sure," Blaine gave into the request after a short pause. He smiled, but he was nervous and reluctant about what he had just agreed to. Any other time, he would have immediately declined, but he was starved for attention and oh so pitifully lonely.

"Great," Sam smiled back, "because I'd love to catch up with you."

-s-

They slid into the booth, opposite each other, situated in the corner of a small restaurant, both uneasy and unsure of where to begin. They smiled awkwardly at each other, and Blaine nervously scanned his menu, although, he knew it by heart by now; he and Kurt had come here often, and he always ordered the same thing no matter how long he perused the menu. So, maybe it wasn't his brightest idea, coming here with an ex while he was missing his current boyfriend terribly. Regardless, everything was Kurt if he looked too closely and thought too much.

Sam cleared his throat, and Blaine finally looked up.

"It's so strange seeing you again," Sam said.

"You too. I'm not even sure what to talk about," Blaine admitted as he closed his menu. He set it down on the table and sighed.

"Oh, good. I thought I was the only one," Sam laughed. "Blaine, we had some good times at Dalton," he said wistfully as if nostalgia had just hit him.

"Yeah, we did," Blaine agreed without giving it much thought.

"Do you remember that time that you - you wrote that song and just started putting on a show in the common room, just a boy and his guitar? You shut down the whole school with that performance," Sam said, grinning at the memory that seemed to be playing behind his eyes.

Of course Blaine remembered that day, and he wished that he hadn't. That song Sam had mentioned was a love song, and he was singing it to Sam like some silly teenage boy outside of a girl's window. Only it was to a boy, and he became the center of attention with a crowd of curious onlookers. At least he knew that that time no one would even dare think of beating the shit out of him. Dalton was a different type of school with an overall more accepting environment, and the worst that could have happened was that he embarrassed himself to death if Sam had reacted in any other way than he had.

The server appeared, took their orders, and disappeared again, leaving it open for Blaine to respond.

"How could I forget," he said, but it was more of a statement than a question. He had been so ashamed that day, thinking that he had made a terrible mistake, but, to his surprise, Sam agreed to go out on a date with him. And then things progressed from there.

"I was flattered. You embarrassed the shit out of me, but, inside, I was loving every second of it. That's when I fell for you - really. I don't know how it would be possible for anyone not to. You were always so goddamn charming," Sam said.

"Obviously, I wasn't nearly as successful as I had hoped," Blaine mumbled. He was becoming uncomfortable on this trip down memory lane, especially since they were visiting the good times before they were tainted with betrayal and confusion, a simpler time before Sam ripped his heart out and stomped on it until it was nothing but a pile of mush.

That was one of the last songs he had ever written and played because it all became tied to memories of Sam. His break up with Sam was also like a break up with music; at least, it would never feel the same way again.

After some time passed, the server came around with their meals.

There was a long, awkward pause in which only the clinking of silverware against ceramic could be heard as they picked at their meals. Blaine stared into his mashed potatoes, suddenly feeling confused and sad.

"So, how have you been? Ya know, ever since you hit it big on that show?" Sam decided to change the subject, realizing that he had hit a sore spot.

"Well, I moved to New York, opened a boutique, and we – I'm in the process of launching my first line," Blaine said.

"That sounds really cool. Does it have a name?"

"Yeah. It's called 'emBarK'…we put a lot of thought into the name, but now it all seems foolish," Blaine said.

"What? Why's that?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Blaine –"

"I said don't worry about it," Blaine said, growing a bit irritated with Sam now.

"It's obvious that something's not quite right with you – I could tell from the moment I spotted you on the street. You're not yourself. Does this have something to do with that guy from the show – what's his name - ?" Sam questioned.

"Kurt. His name is Kurt. And it might. But it's not really any of your business," Blaine said, trying not to snap completely. He knew none of this was Sam's fault, but it didn't help that he was being reminded of all of his relationship failures in a short space of time. It was as if his failings were being piled up on the plate in front of him and he was being handed a fork to shove it all down only to choke on it. He was just trying his best to keep it together, not knowing whether he wanted to scream or cry like a blubbering idiot, and, god forbid it happen in public.

"Whoa. I'm just trying to be a friend here," Sam said, throwing his hands up before him defensively.

"Oh, right. A friend who just shows up out of nowhere years later after breaking my heart, and now you want to talk about my relationship issues? And what did you think you were doing bringing that thing up about me singing to you?" Blaine nearly shouted, his face growing hot.

"C'mon, Blaine. I don't know what to say to you. It was years ago, and I couldn't apologize enough. I asked you out to dinner hoping to make amends and to maybe find some kind of closure, because – god – I do miss you, and I wish we could be friends," Sam said, folding in on himself. He only had good intentions, and he never meant for the night to turn sour like it had.

"I got over it a long time ago, Sam. But I'm not sure how this friend thing works in situations like ours. We don't know each other anymore," Blaine said, now calming down. He took a sip from his drink and dodged Sam's gaze.

"Then talk to me. Let me get to know you. I'm sure that whoever you've become, you're still the same awesome little nerdy guy who I used to love spending time with after classes," Sam said, making an earnest attempt to turn the night around.

"Sam – don't," Blaine warned. Sam's words were simple, but they were loaded.

"I'm serious. Tell me about Kurt. From what I've seen and read, he seems like a really interesting guy."

"He is."

"Well?"

"He's perfect for me, Sam. And I love him for how perfectly imperfect he is, right down to his silly pet peeves about hair product and his constant need for attention even though he pushes me away when I know he needs me most. And I love that I'm the one who gets to give him that attention, who gets to make him smile and laugh. But –" Blaine blurted out, spilling it all out like the uncapping of a shaken up carbonated drink, but he stopped abruptly when he realized what he was doing.

"There's a 'but'? Is it at least a nice one?" Sam joked.

"Shut up," Blaine tried so hard to stifle a snort because he wanted to laugh, but he was so angry at Sam for making light of the situation. "When the show ended, we went into business together. Everything was perfect at first. We moved in together, went to work together, created pieces together - but that phase lasted about a year, and something happened recently. We had a - a disagreement."

"You had a fight?"

"Yeah."

"How bad?"

"Really bad. He left."

"Ouch."

"What hurts the most is the way he accused me of neglecting the relationship and not caring about him anymore. We've been so busy with work, and it's been a challenge to separate work from play, but - I changed my whole life to be with him. I moved nearly a thousand miles across the country and left my family and friends for the chance at a future with Kurt. But now I feel like none of it matters, that nothing I'm doing matters if it's not with Kurt," Blaine finished brokenly. He looked down at a spot on the table and frowned.

"But you love him. I can tell," Sam said. Blaine looked up at him again, his eyes moist with unshed tears.

"I do. At first, Kurt was just some fantasy, a picture perfect role model - a celebrity crush. But when I met him and got to know him, everything changed. I never thought I could feel like this about anyone before - so protective and, yet, I feel like he's the one who makes me stronger and a better person. I want to spend the rest of my life with him," Blaine said.

"That's deep, man. I kind of know how that feels, to feel like you've met the one," Sam began. "I've been with this girl, Kylie, for a few years now. I met her in college. She's kind of everything. But I think I'm terrified of what it might mean to spend the rest of my life with her – like I'm afraid to be too happy," Sam said.

"That's ridiculous though," Blaine replied. How could someone fear happiness, he wondered.

"But it's not. If you think about it. Why did you and Kurt get into a fight? What were you arguing about?"

"We were arguing over the fact that we're so consumed with work, with building our careers as partners, and the future we've been planning together that we hadn't been taking the time to just be together and - oh my god. That's it, isn't it?" Blaine said to himself, annoyed that it had taken him so long to realize his mistake. He tuned out Sam as he became lost in his own thoughts.

Sam watched Blaine for a moment, but when it seemed like he wasn't going to continue on the subject, Sam cut in.

"Look Blaine, I don't know Kurt at all, and I don't know anything about your relationship besides what you've just told me, but it seems like you both have it bad. The only thing getting in the way is denial – did you ever think that maybe you've been distracting yourself by making everything about work because you're terrified that everything is too good and that maybe you don't deserve it? I know you. You probably already bought the ring."

"How did you -? Never mind. Yeah, I did," Blaine admitted glumly.

"Alright. So, listen to me for a second. You want him. He took off. Maybe he has some issues he has to deal with of his own. But what you have to do is remember why you started all of this and came to New York in the first place. I watched your show, Blaine – both seasons. I couldn't help it. Your passion was admirable, and you've always thrown yourself entirely into what you do. I think you're amazing, and you're going to do amazing, but just remember that you are one person who can only do so much. You need to stop blaming yourself."

Sam paused to gather his thoughts, hoping to take this opportunity to find some sort of redemption for what he did to Blaine in the past.

"What happened between us, Blaine, none of that was your fault, and you didn't deserve the way I treated you. We were young, and I was confused. It's not exactly easy to figure out such big things at that age, not when I had someone like you around who made me feel so good about myself. But it's not about us anymore, it's about you and Kurt. Things will fall into place for you, because that's what you deserve - to be happy. But you need to do one really important thing – you need to tell Kurt how much he means to you," Sam said.

There was a long silence as the chatter went on around them at the surrounding tables. Blaine was processing, and it was a lot to take in at once.

"Wow, Sam. I'm not sure where that came from," he finally said. The way Sam had been speaking almost had Blaine slipping back into the past, remembering the good days spent sharing first kisses among other firsts. Sam was his first love, but he was also his first heartbreak, and neither ever quite goes away.

"I'm serious, man. Maybe Kurt is afraid of losing you because everything seems too good to be true."

"That all sounds great, Sam, but he won't answer his phone when I call. His father called me, though - to let me know he was okay. That's all I have, that little bit of hope," Blaine said.

"Then talk to his dad. I'm sure there's something he can do to get through to Kurt," Sam insisted.

"I don't know - "

"Trust me," Sam said.

"Really?"

"Blaine, seriously."

"Okay, okay. I'll do it," Blaine said, rolling his eyes upward.

They finished their meals and split the check. Blaine got up out of the booth and turned to Sam.

"It was really great seeing you again - really. You look good," Blaine said.

"You too. Good luck, man," Sam said, patting Blaine on the shoulder.

"Thanks. I'll see you around?" Blaine said, although he had no desire to do so.

"Yeah. See you around."

-s-

Blaine rode the subway home, the familiar creaking and rattling of the cars on the track as his soundtrack, and he thought about everything Sam had said. There was a strange familiarity and comfort in talking with Sam, and, yet, he knew that he felt absolutely nothing for him anymore. Just seeing him again and hearing his voice was cathartic in a way, and his wounds, although long past healed, would finally be able to vanish completely. Could he be friends with Sam? Probably not, and he had no intention of keeping in touch. But he appreciated the way Sam tried to give him advice as if he had genuinely cared about Blaine. Maybe, he had a long time ago, and Blaine would hold onto that, but, now, it was time to let the rest go.

The empty spot in the bed beside Blaine was something he had grown accustomed to by now. He rolled over and stared at the pillow that lacked the compression associated with too much use. He grabbed the pillow and brought it against his chest, pressing his face into the fabric-covered down, and curled up into a ball around it. He inhaled deeply, imagining he could still smell the scent of Kurt's hair and skin on its long-abandoned case, then he closed his eyes tightly as he fought back the tears that had gone unshed earlier in the evening.

-s-

_Blaine nearly fell through the front door; his gait was unsteady, his body askew, his new suit torn and dirty, his face red and scraped where bruises were gradually forming, and tears streaked his face beneath a head of rumpled, dirty hair. His heart raced, and the word "fag" resounded within him with the steady pounding pain in his head and the soreness of his rib cage which he was almost certain was fractured._

_He barely made it to the couch when his mother came running, scrambling for the phone to dial 911. Then Blaine passed out and didn't come to until he was in the hospital, hooked up to an array of tubes and machines that beeped incessantly. His gradual recollection of the event that landed him here in this state brought about another wave of fresh tears. "A collapsed lung, a fractured rib, and a possible concussion," he heard them say. Everything hurt. Why did he have to be such a freak? A "fag"? He never asked for any of this..._

_-s-_

_"The school is called Dalton Academy," his mother explained, "and they have a zero tolerance policy on bullying."_

_Blaine listened to his mother go on about the school with a weary mind and a heavy heart._

_"It's an all-boys private school, so it's a little pricey, but we can work with it. You can even board if you want."_

_Suddenly Blaine imagined himself in some fancy Hogwarts-esque school surrounded by boys his age, hanging out in the common room...all-boys, he thought. That definitely piqued his interest. The only downside was the mention of uniforms. Clothes were an important part of him, making them and wearing them, even if he wasn't the type to be flashy or wear the latest styles. He decided that he could cope. At least he wouldn't have to worry about having to look over his shoulder or that those boys might come after him again, but this time to finish the job._

_The uniform wasn't so bad, Blaine had decided. He thought he looked quite good in the blazer and tie. A few weeks in, he was getting used to his classes and becoming more comfortable in his new situation. Boarding there and being away from home was difficult at first, but it helped that he met a lot of great people and made a few friends almost immediately. He also was invited to join the school's a capella group, the Dalton Academy Warblers, and it turned out that he fit right in._

_Everything was going great until science class when suddenly Blaine was finding it difficult to concentrate, and his grades began to suffer. The teacher became a lot less interesting as Blaine's eyes focused instead on a mop of long, wavy, blonde hair, a broad, athletic frame, and the smile behind those lips of a boy who sat a few seats away. His name was Sam, and Blaine was fairly certain that he was on the Dalton soccer team. After solidifying this knowledge, he made a point to put time aside to attend a few games._

_Watching Sam play opened up an avenue and an opportunity for Blaine to begin a conversation with Sam, and he soon found out that they were into many of the same things including music, sports, comic books, and movies. But it wasn't until they were paired up for a science project that Blaine began to imagine what it might be like to kiss Sam and how it might feel to touch him, but he never had a boyfriend before, and he wasn't sure how to begin._

_Then one day Blaine had an idea. It sounded great in his head, and he went to work planning it out in detail. He grabbed his guitar and sat down in the common room. It wasn't unusual to find Blaine around campus practicing quietly, but this was different. He had told Sam to meet him there after classes, and he dressed up in one of his favorite outfits, hat and bow tie included, and took a seat toward the center of the room. When Sam finally entered the room, Blaine grew nervous but then began to play and sing, focusing all his attention directly on Sam. Sam appeared shocked, and he blushed, but he didn't leave. Instead, he sat down next to Blaine and allowed him to finish his song._

_Blaine strummed the final chord, his fingers brushing against the vibrating strings, and the notes drifted out into the air and faded. Then he set his guitar aside and turned towards a wide-eyed Sam. He was hesitant, but he placed his hand on Sam's and cleared his throat._

_"Will you," Blaine paused, "can I take you out - to a movie or something?"_

_"Sure," Sam answered quietly._

_-s-_

_"There's no way that Superman is cooler than Batman," Sam said, playfully shoving Blaine._

_"This is seriously the most clichéd debate of all time. Why are we even talking about this?" Blaine laughed._

_"It doesn't matter, but I choose the movies we watch from now on," Sam responded._

_"I still think Wolverine is the most badass hero, anyway," Blaine said._

_"You just like Hugh Jackman," Sam teased._

_"Maybe. The man knows how to dress. But I like you more," Blaine said and then stared at Sam with a questioning look in his eyes. Sam's lips parted in response, and, without further thought, Blaine closed the gap between them and clumsily brought their mouths together. He had no idea what he was doing, and it was awkward, sloppy, and brief. He pulled away but looked up at a speechless Sam._

_Blaine shyly brushed Sam's hair out of his eyes and looked into them before giggling and looking down._

_"I've wanted to do that for a while now," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay. It was really nice," Sam replied._

_-s-_

_"I've never done anything like this before," Sam said, all nerves as he leaned over Blaine's shirtless body._

_"Neither have I," Blaine admitted as well. He felt a blush rise up through his neck and into his face as Sam touched his chest._

_Sam rolled Blaine's briefs down from around his hips, and Blaine almost whined as his half-hard cock was freed. He was slightly embarrassed to be exposed like this for the first time in front of another guy, but Sam had assured him that he wanted to do this, that he was ready. But when Sam wrapped his hand around Blaine's cock, he felt himself grow fully hard, and Sam swallowed audibly._

_"Blaine, I'm worried I'll hurt you or something."_

_"I'm sure you won't, Sam."_

_"Okay," Sam replied softly and hesitated briefly before lowering his head and taking Blaine into his mouth._

_"Oh - oh my god," Blaine moaned, trying to keep it stifled for fear of anyone overhearing them in the neighboring dorms._

_Sam pulled off for a moment._

_"Does it feel that good?" he whispered._

_Blaine nodded._

_"So good," Blaine assured him._

_But when he looked down at Sam, Sam looked terrified._

_"Are you alright?" Blaine panicked for a second. Was he doing something wrong?_

_"Yeah, Blaine, I'm fine," he said with a smile. Blaine relaxed. Then he closed his eyes and continued to suck Blaine off, gently stroking his hand up and down with the movement of his head._

_"Sam - I," he uttered, and Sam pulled off but continued to work Blaine's cock with his hand. Then Blaine groaned as he came, spilling over Sam's hand._

_They cleaned themselves up, and Blaine cupped Sam's face in his hands and pulled him in for a long, languid kiss. He stared into those green eyes, and Blaine knew in that moment that he wanted to give Sam the world._

_-s-_

_"Blaine - can we talk?" Sam asked as he caught up with Blaine in the hall, coming out of their final class of the day._

_"Yeah, what is it?" Blaine stopped and looked at Sam who appeared a bit flustered, and his own grin fell away for a moment._

_"I - I'm not sure if, uh," he paused. "We're friends, right? I mean, you're my boyfriend, but - you know what I mean."_

_"Of course. You're my best friend." And then cutting in because he couldn't stop thinking about it, Blaine asked, "Did you decide whether or not you wanted to go with me and Cooper to the comedy show this weekend?" Blaine beamed at Sam in his excitement. It was the first time he was getting to see his brother in months, and they were going to spend a night out in the city together. Cooper, who had been informed about Sam, extended the invitation, knowing how happy Blaine was about having a boyfriend. _

_And seeing Blaine smile like that with those puppy dog eyes made it impossible for Sam to go through with what he was about to say. It would have been so difficult to explain to Blaine anyway because he wasn't quite sure he understood what he was feeling. Instead, he nodded, took Blaine's hand, and they went back to Blaine's room to watch a movie before dinner._

_-s-_

_"How could you?" Blaine asked, trying his best not to cry again. Allowing Sam to see how weak and broken he was would only make him feel worse._

_"I don't know," Sam said simply._

_"How can you not know why you fucked some girl at a party?!" Blaine's sadness quickly turned to anger._

_"I was drunk," Sam mumbled, avoiding eye contact._

_"That's not an excuse! Are you bisexual or something? Because I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore." Then Blaine's voice cracked as he tried to stifle a whimper._

_"I don't know what I am, Blaine! Do I really have to be anything anyway?"_

_"But I loved you, Sam. I don't trust you anymore. I don't trust that you were ever honest with me. I feel like you just played with my emotions during this whole relationship - for six months! - like all I was was your little experiment. So you go to school with all guys and you think 'why not', then the first chance you get, you fuck some girl like a straight guy?" Blaine was nearly in tears now. He was crumbling._

_"It's not like that, Blaine. God! And you don't have to trust me anymore because it's over. I can't do this anymore, and I felt like this for a while," Sam shouted, his eyes now shining with held back tears._

_"What?!"_

_"I had hoped you would understand, but I was wrong."_

_Blaine's lip trembled as he glared at Sam. There was a terrible moment of silence in which Blaine could hear his heart shattering into a million pieces all over again. He let out a shaky breath before finally speaking._

_"No - I understand all too well. But you never should have said yes to me. You never should have let me go that far, fall that hard, and get so deep into something that you weren't committed to," he said quietly with as much composure as he could muster._

_"You're right. But I can't go back and change anything. I don't want to change how things happened," Sam said, a silent tear streaking his cheek. He wiped it away and turned to face away from Blaine._

_"I wish I could - maybe I never would have let myself be so desperate, never would have let you in like I did," Blaine said coolly, spitefully. Even if he didn't mean what he said, he intended to hurt Sam, to make him feel even a fraction of what Blaine was feeling right now._

_"Fine," Sam said. "Good bye, Blaine."_

_Sam stormed off as Blaine looked on. The tears that had been building up with his anger began to pour down his face, and he felt sick all over again. Blaine couldn't even believe that the night of that party was the night he had decided he wanted to go all the way with Sam, and now he was angry with himself for even considering such a thing._

_Following the break up, whenever Blaine would see Sam in class or in the halls, he would feel the heartache anew all over again, but he knew he didn't want him anymore._

-s-

The next day, Blaine was still digesting the encounter with Sam, and he had no motivation to get up and open the boutique. Instead, he slept in until noon and didn't even bother to change out of his pajamas. Then he sat around wasting time watching GSN until his empty stomach grumbled and became too much of a nuisance to ignore any longer.

As he searched the nearly empty fridge, Blaine mulled over his revelation from the previous night. Although Kurt might have overreacted, Blaine understood exactly why Kurt had been so upset and the seriousness of the argument. He had been selfish and had ignored the fact that Kurt needed the little things - the dates, the silly romantic gestures, and even sex that's meaningful and sweet. He had been a complete idiot, and he couldn't believe that he didn't just take Kurt out to lunch that day. It would have been such a simple thing that would have meant the world to Kurt. Because he didn't have what Blaine had in the past. Kurt needed Blaine to show him that he cared rather than pushing him away like he had and inadvertently reducing their relationship to one lacking love not unlike Kurt had experienced in the past.

Blaine stared down into the pot of pesto sauce he had simmering on the stove as he stirred it slowly. His mind drifted back to the night before Kurt took off, and he felt sick at the memory of how he had slept with Kurt for the sake of it, feeling awkward throughout, knowing the entire time that his heart wasn't in it. He let out a deep breath in his frustration and closed his eyes for a moment.

The tortellini began to froth as the water boiled, and he looked up, but didn't grab the spoon in time to stir it. The pot boiled over onto the burner, which flickered and emitted a loud hiss. Suddenly pissed at himself for letting it happen, Blaine slammed the utensil down on the counter, turned the stove off, and allowed the food to just sit there as he tried to pull himself back together.

But when he drained the pasta, he noticed that he burned a portion of the sauce in his fit, and he had a complete breakdown. His appetite now lost, Blaine groaned in frustration and took the food and dumped it into the garbage can. Then realizing what he had done, Blaine collapsed onto the floor in front of the fridge and began to cry and shake. He folded in on himself and turned into an absolute sobbing mess, choking on his saliva and attempting not to throw up.

He felt so lost. He was broken without Kurt. And he didn't even know when or if Kurt was ever going to come back. All he did know was that he needed someone with him right now. He couldn't handle it all himself.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Elyse. Blaine knew that she had just come to see him the day before and that it was unfair to burden her with his problems, but he didn't care as long as he didn't have to be alone.

-s-

The door had been open for only seconds before Elyse was throwing her arms around Blaine and holding him to her. He had sounded so broken over the phone, and somehow she knew that this was exactly what he needed.

Blaine held onto her like a helpless child for a minute before finally pulling away.

"I brought chocolate and fully intend to indulge in the sappiest film you can think of - your pick," Elyse said.

"Alright," Blaine laughed, "let me see." He wandered over to their movie collection, and Elyse followed him, the small, paper bag from Godiva still clutched in her hand.

"How about - Sleepless in Seattle -?" Blaine said as his finger grazed the spine of the case on the shelf.

"Perfect. I love that one. It's a classic - and it reminds me of home."

Blaine smiled at Elyse, realizing his coincidental choice.

"I love it too," he said. "It also reminds me of home - but because it's one of my mom's favorite movies."

"I'm gonna pop some popcorn, and we can watch the movie on the tv in the bedroom - the bed is huge, so there's plenty of room to stretch out and get comfortable," he said.

"Okay," Elyse answered, "it's going to be like a slumber party!" She laughed, and Blaine cocked his head to the side and grinned.

"Yeah, I guess it will be. Go on and I'll be right in." Blaine handed Elyse the movie, and she proceeded into the bedroom to set it up so it would be ready to play as soon as Blaine rejoined her.

Bowl of popcorn in hand, Blaine climbed into the bed, and Elyse pressed play on the remote. After watching the first few minutes in silence as they munched on the popcorn, Blaine finally spoke.

"This was my first romantic comedy - the first I had ever seen as a kid," he explained.

"Aww," Elyse said. "I didn't see it until I was older."

"I was only about seven years old, but I remember how it made me feel. It made me believe in serendipity - in life and love. And as I got older and had my heart broken for the first time, watching it again helped me believe in second chances and the possibility of love after that heartbreak."

"You sound like you were a pretty wise kid," Elyse said, smiling fondly at Blaine.

"Maybe." Blaine grew quiet again. Elyse leaned her head on his shoulder as they both watched the screen again.

Blaine and Elyse watched as Meg Ryan's character broke off her engagement and then rushed off to the Empire State building. Blaine set the empty popcorn bowl aside on the endtable before breaking the silence.

"My mom always cried at this scene and then didn't stop until the end. I was so young that I would be confused. But I would cuddle up next to her to comfort her. She would tell me that it's okay to cry - not to listen to anyone else - and that everyone hurts sometimes. She would say - 'but you pick yourself back up because life goes on'. I guess I couldn't really understand or appreciate what my mother had said until recently."

Blaine heard a small sound, looked over at Elyse, her head still leaning on his shoulder, and then he noticed tears streaking her face.

"Elyse," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

She turned her head up, quickly wiping away her tears.

"I'm fine. It's just that - I miss him. I didn't realize that after all this time my heart would still ache for him. It comes and it goes, but, at moments like this, I just - I wonder what it would have been like if we were still together - if I had stayed."

"Do you still keep in touch with him?"

"Yeah. We talk occasionally over the phone, but, mostly the only thing I have to hold onto of him are brief Facebook messages and even shorter emails."

"It's not the same. I understand."

"It's just so difficult when we've been apart for so long and in completely different time zones. It's just that, although we aren't together, it never felt like it was over for me. There's something that still pulls me toward the idea of the possibility of us - that we'll still have our happy ending."

"I know exactly what you mean - I really want Kurt and I to have a happy ending. I left my life in Chicago to be with him - and for some crazy reason I just had this feeling that it was meant to be and that it would just - be. I don't think I would have come to New York otherwise, or at least, not as soon. But it felt like there was some invisible thread pulling me along and toward my destiny."

A heavy silence filled the space between them as the movie continued to play.

The end credits began to roll, and both were quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Blaine shifted to grab the remote, but Elyse had drifted off and was snoring gently, cuddled up against his side.

With his heart as lonely as it was, he was grateful to have anyone close to him right now.

No one could compare with Kurt and how he felt when they were together, but he smiled as he tucked Elyse in and made his way out into the living room to sleep on the couch. He hadn't known what he had done to deserve someone like Elyse, selfless and nurturing. Blaine closed his eyes and thought about how Elyse was more than a friend, she was a happy accident; she must have been sent to him as a gift from a higher power just when he needed it.


	9. Chapter Nine: Like You Were Never Gone

A shrill whistle began to sound from the kitchen, and Blaine rushed to turn off the stove. Grabbing the teapot, he turned around to face the table with the two mugs set out, the usual routine, and he smiled sadly. What was he even doing? Who was he trying to fool? Kurt had been gone for two whole months, and Blaine was still holding onto something that might still exist but was probably long gone all because of an extremely minute gut feeling that maybe, just maybe Kurt would still come home to him and fall into his arms.

He poured hot water into the one mug and dropped in a teabag. Then he gazed at the second mug and finally decided that it was time to stop playing this foolish game and put it away. Tea in hand, Blaine made his way to the bedroom to prepare his outfit for the day. Kurt used to help him pick out his shoes and his bow ties, but now that he had been dressing himself for a while, he didn't put as much thought into it. Usually, he'd grab whatever looked most comfortable and didn't clash horribly.

He shimmied into his capris and, as he was pulling the zipper up, Blaine heard the front door creak open. He stood frozen in place, his ears alert for even the faintest sound. Someone was in his apartment, but he _had_ locked the door, which could only mean….

Then he heard it: the familiar clacking of boots on the hardwood floor, those damned boots he'd know anywhere.

_Kurt_.

He didn't know what to do or how to react, so he remained frozen in place in front of the mirror, staring forward at himself but not really focusing on anything. He heard the footsteps fall around the apartment followed by a soft thud as a suitcase seemed to hit the floor.

Blaine reached up to absentmindedly straighten his tie, and then a figure appeared in the doorway. His stomach flipped; the feeling of free falling overcame him. Blaine still didn't turn around or move from his spot. His heart thumped rapidly, almost painfully against the inside of his chest. He glanced up and locked eyes with Kurt through the mirror. They stood there in an uneasy silence for a moment just staring.

Then, after what felt like a lifetime, Kurt finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Tears began to pour silently and uncontrollably from Blaine's eyes, and he finally spun around to face Kurt.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't have just taken off like I did. It wasn't fair to you - to make you think that I didn't care about us. Because I do - so, so much. I just needed space to breathe and sort things out."

Kurt paused and let out a shaky breath. Still paralyzed by the onslaught of mixed emotions that accompanied Kurt's return, Blaine remained rooted to the spot, and the image of Kurt became blurred through his tears.

"I went home. It was the only place I knew to go. And it helped. I mean, I got help, while I was there – a therapist. And I know it must have felt like I gave up on us, but I didn't. I haven't. I love you, Blaine, and I'm so sorry."

Blaine didn't realize he had been holding his breath, and when he released it, he completely deflated and collapsed in on himself.

He stepped towards Kurt, hesitantly at first, but then quickened his pace and nearly jumped on him, throwing his arms around him. Without a word, he dug his chin into Kurt's shoulder, inhaled deeply, and dug the tips of his fingers into the back of Kurt's shirt, scrunching up the fabric.

To be in Blaine's arms again like this was too much, and Kurt fell apart too. Tears burned in his eyes as they held each other tightly, terrified of letting go. Blaine wouldn't let go again. Kurt wouldn't pull away again.

"I missed you more than words can describe," Blaine choked out.

"I missed you too," Kurt sobbed, finally pulling back from the prolonged, needy hug, sliding his hands to Blaine's waist to hold him at arm's length so he could look him in the eye.

"I wish I could take back the cruel things I said…I'm so sorry, Blaine. I don't think you understand how much I love you and want to be with you."

"I love you too, Kurt. So much. I'm sorry you ever felt anything otherwise. You're my whole world. And I won't lie, these past two months were absolutely brutal. But if it really helped you, I - I want you to be happy. Just please, don't ever leave me like that again, because I'm not sure if my heart can take it," Blaine said quietly by Kurt's ear.

"I promise. I'll never say goodbye to you."

And when they finally disconnected the hug, Kurt walked over and sat down heavily on the bed. That simple gesture brought Blaine's attention to the exhaustion now evident in Kurt's features, nearly dragging his body down.

"You must have had an early flight," Blaine said. "Did you want some coffee - or tea?"

"No, but thank you. I couldn't sleep at all last night, and the plane was not an ideal place to try and catch up on it. I think -" Kurt yawned. "Is it alright if I just take a nap? I know that we're in desperate need of a heart-to-heart, and I'm sure I still owe you a proper explanation; I want to tell you everything - I just need some rest."

"Of course. You should rest. I was on my way to open the boutique - but I don't have to go in today," Blaine said, making up his mind that this wasn't a moment he wanted to miss, and he sure as hell didn't want to just walk away from Kurt before talking it all out, before knowing whether or not Kurt might not just up and leave again while he was gone.

Kurt took off his boots, set them aside, and climbed into the bed, plopping face down into his pillow before turning over on his side. He had no intention to even undress because, as soon as he laid down, his eyes fell shut, and he felt his consciousness slipping away. He forced his eyes open and saw that Blaine was still standing there in the room, his arms crossed against his chest, deep in thought.

"Blaine," Kurt said, stirring him. "Come lie with me?"

Blaine nodded with a slight smile and, although he had no need for sleep, he climbed into his side of the bed. He hesitated, but then he reached over to wrap his arms around Kurt, pulling his body in against his own. He laid his cheek on Kurt's, and the way Blaine gently rested his head there like he just needed the contact, any contact, had Kurt fighting down a small sob that began to bubble up inside him.

They laid there, Blaine softly stroking Kurt's arm until he knew that Kurt had fallen asleep. Carefully, he untangled himself from Kurt and climbed back out of the bed, trying his best not to disturb him.

Blaine watched Kurt sleep for a few moments, curled up and comfortable on his side of the bed which had been vacant and cold for too long. But now there was a very solid body filling the space; Kurt was peaceful, and Blaine wondered if he was dreaming. He wondered several things, needed answers he couldn't get right now, but he could wait just a little longer. After all, Kurt was back safely, and what would another hour be after two months of nothing, of not knowing and not trusting that there was anything left between them? Blaine had all but given up, had learned what life would be like without Kurt. And it wasn't something he would ever choose to go back to.

Knowing that he should leave Kurt be and find something to distract himself in the meantime, he walked out of the bedroom, and his eyes fell on the suitcase and carry on, still packed and abandoned by the door. The bags were so small, too small, Blaine knew, to carry even a fraction of what Kurt would have taken with him on any other occasion, as if Kurt had always known that he would come back, and this brought some relief to Blaine. He considered how Kurt must have been as scared as he was, thinking that they might never feel the way they had before, that they had lost what was special between them and what made them work. Blaine tried to hold back his tears when he thought about it. Because he knew that it wasn't gone, but he had almost lost Kurt without having the opportunity to let him know how he really felt, how he couldn't breathe without him and how the world grew dim and colorless in his absence as if all the life had simply been sucked out of it. He tossed the strap of the bag over his shoulder and, pulling out the handle on the suitcase, he rolled it toward the bedroom.

Blaine moved about the room quietly as Kurt's soft snores drifted through the small space, unpacking Kurt's belongings, restoring his clothing to their correct drawers, and filling the empty hangers in the closet. It was as if Blaine's heart was becoming whole again as the pieces that had been missing in his life were slowly being set back into their proper places, making him once again feel complete.

An hour or so passed as Blaine busied himself in the kitchen, and Kurt finally roused from his nap and then appeared in the doorway, pausing, before pulling a chair out to sit down at the table. Blaine turned around and joined Kurt, letting out a deep breath as he sank into a chair.

"I missed waking up to your face," Kurt said, and Blaine melted at the sorrowful sincerity in his tone.

"Are you hungry?" Blaine asked, still unsure of what was okay to feel in this moment.

"No, Blaine, I'm okay. I just want to get all of this off my chest first. I'll understand if you're angry with me. It was immature of me to not tell you what was going on, but the first few weeks I was home, I took the battery out of my phone. I didn't want to have to face you because I felt so guilty for leaving."

"Okay. You mentioned getting help...was it about us? I don't understand, because I thought everything was fine," Blaine said.

"No, it wasn't about us, and I figured that out a little too late. I have scars, as you know, that you didn't give me, and I thought I had gotten past all of that. But with the way things had been going between us with work, all the added stress put me in a bad place. I needed a break. Spending time with my family gave me a lot of perspective - I got to see my nephew for the first time, and I realized there were a lot of things I missed out on. And that's just it, Blaine. I don't want to miss out on the important moments like that - I don't want to miss out on us."

Blaine's eyes went wide at the reception of Kurt's news, and he tilted his head to the side and grinned, his eyes still sad but filled with boundless, glowing affection. He reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand where it rested on the table.

"Do you - do you still believe in us then, Kurt? Do you think that we can figure out together how to move forward without hitting bumps like this again?"

"I do – now. Now that I'm back where I'm supposed to be and with the person I'm supposed to be with, I feel a lot more – hopeful." Kurt rose from the chair, followed by Blaine, and slowly pulled Blaine into a hug and rested his chin on his shoulder. Blaine closed his eyes at the tenderness of the touch and the closeness he had been missing and craving for too long.

"And next time I go back to Ohio, I want to bring you with me," Kurt said. "I think it might do me good to visit more often, and I really want all of the people I love to get to know each other better, especially since my dad really seems to like you. Because you're important to me," Kurt said.

"I would love that."

After their conversation, Blaine felt more at ease, but he wasn't yet ready to tell Kurt about all the things that happened in his absence, the good and the bad. Together, they decided to stay in for the night and enjoy a quiet dinner. They ordered in, Blaine decided, from the new Thai place in the neighborhood, and Kurt thought it was a wonderful choice.

Over the course of the evening, Kurt felt Blaine watching him, and, although it didn't make him uncomfortable, it made him simultaneously elated and impossibly sad. After the stunt he had pulled, Blaine took him back, allowed him to come home, and accepted him back almost as if nothing had ever happened. And now they were back in the bedroom with the television on, volume set at a low hum, picking right back up as if he had never left.

He wondered if he even deserved it.

But it was obvious now, as he slid his now empty suitcase into the closet, that he had made the right decision. It was as if they had been living the old adage: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours.

Kurt was always Blaine's. He knew he would always be Blaine's.

Blaine had set him free, allowed him to run away in search of answers he needed to find to be at peace with himself. And he came back. No other option seemed like it made any sense.

"Blaine," Kurt said quietly. He walked and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Blaine. Blaine looked away from the rerun of _Drag Race_ playing on the screen in which he was only remotely interested, and his eyes met Kurt's.

"Kurt," Blaine said, equally as soft, his heart fluttering as the name passed his lips. Kurt crawled across the bed and sat next to Blaine, snuggled up against his side.

But Kurt forgot what he had wanted to say because, as soon as he set his palm on Blaine's thigh, his fingers curled around it, their eyes met, and they were like magnets, their mouths and bodies connecting with a tremendous force that couldn't be broken.

Blaine fell back against the mattress, and Kurt climbed on top of him, still kissing him hard, taking everything he could from him, everything Blaine had to give. In a rush of hands and lips on skin, fingers in hair, and the tugging of fabric every which way, Kurt was soon atop Blaine, breathing heavily and gazing down into his lust-blown eyes that in that moment resembled warm honey in the midsummer, afternoon sun. The heat of Blaine's skin against his own sent a tremor through Kurt's body, as if electricity was running through his veins.

"Blaine - I - it's been so long," Kurt said breathlessly. His lips parted as he looked on, drinking in all that was the warm body beneath him, all that was Blaine. And his heart was close to bursting. He suddenly felt dizzy and short of breath, and he gasped to fill his lungs.

Blaine reached his hand up and cupped Kurt's cheek. An unspoken message passed between them, a mutual understanding.

"I don't know how long I'll last - but I want to." Kurt shifted his body down on the bed. "What do you want, Blaine?"

"Oh - god, Kurt. Anything you want - I want you. All of you," he responded. Kurt shifted farther down on the bed, positioning himself between Blaine's legs which fell apart easily. "Kurt - ?" Blaine reached over and grabbed the small bottle of lube, handed it to Kurt, and Kurt immediately understood.

Kurt kissed Blaine's inner thighs, and then, after squeezing a bit of lube onto his fingers, worked Blaine open slowly, gently, pushing first one and then two fingers in.

"'S good," Blaine moaned, writhing at the contact and the pressure of Kurt's fingers inside of him. Kurt pushed them deeper inside, and Blaine moaned again, rolled his hips, and closed his eyes as he focused on the feeling of Kurt filling him up.

Kurt was now completely hard and closed his eyes, feeling a shiver run the course of his body, his cock twitching in response to the needy noises Blaine was making.

"C-can I have more - Kurt?" Blaine whimpered, now completely relaxed. "God - I just want all of you now."

"Okay." Kurt bit his bottom lip, unable to deny Blaine's request and wanting it now just as much if not more than Blaine who was making his brain go numb. He slicked himself up with the lube, lined himself up, and pushed in slowly, entering Blaine and filling him up. He slid in and out, reveling in every slight sensation, in the tight heat surrounding him and already making him feel close to losing it all. Kurt leaned forward, pushing in deeper, as Blaine arched his back, his chest rising.

Blaine's cock was leaking between them, and Kurt mouthed lightly at Blaine's collarbone before flicking his tongue out to tease Blaine's nipple. Blaine groaned and pulled Kurt up to bring their mouths together.

"Fuck," Kurt mumbled into Blaine's mouth, trembling, and then he pulled away.

He wrapped his hand around Blaine's cock and pumped his fist slowly in rhythm with his thrusts as he sank deeper and deeper inside of him. Blaine wrapped his legs tightly around Kurt, wanting him as close as possible.

They felt the perspiration rise on their skin as the heat from their bodies intensified. He began to quicken his pace as he felt Blaine begin to tense up around him and in his hand. Blaine moaned again as Kurt found the perfect angle and his cock brushed against that spot, causing Blaine to shudder and cry out. Kurt was now _this_ close to losing it, and continued to thrust into Blaine.

Blaine reached up and grabbed Kurt's hand, taking the tips of his fingers into his mouth as he closed his eyes again.

"Oh, my god, Blaine," Kurt whispered as Blaine sucked lightly on his fingers. "So unfair."

It was too much, and Kurt closed his eyes, his mouth falling open as a moan rose up from deep within him and escaped as he came inside Blaine.

And as those noises escaped Kurt's mouth, Blaine came undone, spilling out between their bodies.

Kurt pushed into Blaine again and then one last time as he shuddered through his orgasm.

Completely spent, Kurt collapsed onto Blaine's chest; he laid his head down and pressed his ear against it, listening to his heart thumping rapidly within him as Blaine fought to steady his breathing, his chest rising and falling with each quick, shallow breath.

"Um, Kurt," Blaine said softly, gently running his fingers through Kurt's hair.

Blaine's words pulled him out of the hypnotic state he had fallen into while concentrating on the rhythm of Blaine's breathing and the steady shifting of his body beneath him.

"Oh - sorry," Kurt said with a chuckle. He slid out of Blaine and shifted over onto the bed next to him. His hand still rested atop Blaine's chest, and he pressed his body against Blaine's side. Blaine placed his hand over Kurt's and rubbed circles on his skin with his thumb. Then he slid their fingers together, and they laid there both looking at their hands, the way they linked together, the sensation of Blaine's rough fingertips as they lightly grazed Kurt's soft palm.

"I don't ever want to lose sight of this again, of what we have," Blaine murmured.

Kurt closed his eyes and sighed.

"Communication works wonders, huh?" Kurt said, laughing quietly. "I'm sorry."

"You really don't need to keep apologizing. I think I get it now. We were moving so fast that we forgot to stop and make sure that we were okay. I mean - we weren't okay, but everything feels right again. And I know you did it for us - and for yourself. And I've accepted it, Kurt. I love you."


	10. Chapter Ten: Back in the Trenches

It took a few days for Kurt to become situated again back at work and in the apartment. Mostly, Blaine just watched him silently go about his business, feeling like Kurt was the most interesting afterschool special, and if he took his eyes off of him, he would miss the best parts.

So he sat like a schoolboy with a crush, his head in his hand, as Kurt bustled about the boutique checking and rechecking that everything was finished and in place for the show. After Kurt was thoroughly satisfied, he turned toward the dress form on which the commissioned gown was displayed.

"This is beautiful, Blaine," Kurt said, almost breathless.

"Thank you. I just finished it last week, actually." He rose from his seat and walked over to join Kurt by the gown.

"I don't know how you did all of this. You're amazing." Kurt ran his fingers over the ruching and the beading on the bodice and admired the sweetheart neckline and tiering in the skirt.

"I just hope that Meredith loves it as much as you," Blaine said. "I want her to feel confident and beautiful when she makes her vows to the love of her life. Weddings are so strange - I love them. I think what makes them so amazing is that it's one day, the biggest day in your entire life, the biggest opportunity to look as fabulous as you can so that moment is locked in time forever - fabulous gowns and tuxedos, decorations, and a declaration of undying and infinite love." Blaine looked down as he said those final words.

Kurt gazed at Blaine as he spoke, and he found himself smiling as he held back tears.

"She will love it, Blaine. There's no doubt in my mind," Kurt assured him.

With only two weeks left before the show, the final model fitting was upon them, and Kurt and Blaine organized the pieces accordingly while they awaited the arrival of the girls.

The first few showed and immediately went off to get into their assignments. But when Elyse walked in and saw Kurt helping another model into a dress alongside Blaine, she squealed and dropped the folder she had been holding.

Blaine whipped around to locate the source of the commotion, and he laughed at Elyse's expression as she bobbed up and down with her hands clamped over her mouth to conceal the biggest smile she'd ever worn. He approached her, returning the smile.

"Thank you," he said. "You've been so kind and a great friend to me. I don't think I would have gotten through all of this without you." He bent down and helped her pick up the paperwork she had dropped. Then, after handing the folder with all its contents restored back to Elyse, he stood up on his toes and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Are you guys okay now?" she asked, blushing slightly from the contact.

"We're more than okay. We're working on getting everything back to normal and hopefully better than before. I really believe that everything is about to fall into place," Blaine told her.

At that moment, Kurt looked up and over his shoulder at the two before grinning and returning his attention back to the model he was suiting up. He shook his head gently, knowing well that he was a fool to ever think for a second that Blaine was a mistake or that any of this wasn't meant to be. Things didn't have to fall into place, they were already where they belonged; it just took them a little longer to see it all through the temporary fog.

Blaine's attention turned toward the recovered folder in Elyse's hands, and he became curious.

"What is that, anyway?" he asked, pointing to the paperwork.

"Oh! It's an application - and a portfolio," she said. Blaine's confusion showed on his face, so Elyse cut in again to explain. "It sort of happened on a whim, but I'd been thinking about writing again - maybe even going back to school in the spring."

"That's wonderful!" Blaine beamed and threw his arms around her.

"But I won't be going back for political journalism. I've been so involved in the fashion world that it's grown on me. I'm looking into programs for fashion journalism."

"You'll be great. You have so much first-hand experience," Blaine said.

"I hope so." She grew quiet.

"Let's get you into your suit," Blaine said, realizing that she had shown up for the fitting, and they had become side-tracked, albeit, by exciting news.

Kurt approached Blaine after he was finished helping Elyse into the suit. Elyse had wandered off to join the other models by the mirrors.

"So, she's going back to school?" Kurt asked, crossing his arms and looking on at the area where the girls had gathered.

"Yeah. I'm really happy for her," Blaine said.

"She's going to need something for an interview, no?" Kurt said.

Blaine turned his head to the side to look at Kurt and grinned.

"Definitely."

-s-

At the conclusion of the work day, Kurt didn't feel exhausted or strung out like he had in the past; instead he felt invigorated and ecstatic to be back in the studio working alongside Blaine. And when they were back at the apartment getting ready to sit down for a quiet evening in, Kurt had something else in mind.

"Hey, Blaine? I want to go out and roam around the city. And...I believe we had a date planned," Kurt said, hopeful, the corner of his lips turning up.

"We did - well - I guess we still do," Blaine said, smiling. He leaned over and kissed Kurt on the forehead.

"Shower?" Kurt suggested.

"Yes. And I'm going to do it right this time around."

"Oh?"

"Make sure you pick out a fashionable outfit suitable for the theater, because I'm taking you to dinner, and then we're going to rush a show."

Kurt quirked an eyebrow at Blaine.

"I _love_ it. I love _you_," Kurt said, an expression of awe on his face as he followed Blaine into the bathroom.

-s-

The evening was surprisingly cool for August, and the street lights were already lit up along the avenue when they emerged from the Gershwin Theatre. After spoiling themselves with dinner at Sardi's, Blaine stood by his word, and they snatched up the best tickets still available to a show very near and dear to Kurt's heart. Kurt had a broad smile plastered across his face that hadn't left it since the opening act. He was still in a post-show daze, and the final number was playing on repeat in his head as he gripped the playbill against his chest with one hand and held Blaine's hand in the other.

"I still can't believe we managed to get such great seats," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's hand.

"I know - and we weren't very far back," Blaine said.

"I wouldn't have cared about where we were seated. My love for _Wicked_ is so immense that nothing could have spoiled the experience," Kurt said.

They walked to the corner and stopped to wait for the signal to cross. Just then, Kurt turned toward Blaine, and his eyes were glistening; he was gazing at Blaine as if he were a pair of shiny, leather Prada dress shoes that Kurt couldn't wait to take home, wear out, and then parade for all the world to see because Blaine was fabulous, he was his, and he made him feel like he was walking on top of the world.

Blaine laughed as he caught a glimpse of Kurt's expression.

"What?" Blaine asked.

They stepped into the street and continued across the busy intersection.

"Nothing. It's just that I'm really happy," Kurt said.

"So am I. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Blaine said, grinning, as they made their way toward the subway entrance.

"I did, and I didn't realize how much I missed the city - even when I was still here. I guess after living somewhere for so long, you begin to forget where you are and take it for granted. Seems like we want whatever we don't have rather than taking full advantage of what's right in front of us." Kurt paused for a second and scrunched up his nose as one of the trains sped by on the track. "Well, there are some things I would never miss." Blaine laughed. "But I'll take the bad with the good."

Their train arrived, the doors slid open, and they stepped into the car. Blaine grabbed the bar, and Kurt did too before wrapping an arm around Blaine's waist.

"I think the good far outweighs the bad," Kurt said quietly as he stared through the reflection in the window of the moving train, not focusing on the external. He held Blaine against his body as the train rumbled on back towards Brooklyn, back towards home.

-s-

In the following week leading up to the show, Kurt and Blaine were running around, frantically fixing hems and little things here and there while they put the rest of the show together, which included choosing the music and the order of the pieces.

Amidst the hustle and bustle of preparations, Blaine had also scheduled the meeting with Meredith and Joe for a proper final fitting and to make sure they loved the wedding gown.

"Oh my - it's gorgeous! I love it! I mean - it's perfect!" Meredith gushed.

"I'm so glad to hear that. The last thing I would want to do is send you down the aisle in something that was anything less than my best work," Blaine said.

"My friends are going to be so jealous. Thank you so much," Meredith said.

Meredith took the dress to the back of the room as Kurt helped her into it. Blaine stayed back with Joe as they watched. Then Joe turned away, trying to adhere to tradition and not see his fiancé in her wedding gown before the big day.

"So," Joe took Blaine aside. "Not to be intrusive or anything, but are you planning on tying the knot anytime soon?"

Blaine laughed, surprised to be asked that by a customer. "I am. I just haven't figured out how to bring it up yet. Things kept getting in the way - life kept getting in the way. I just want it to be perfect."

"You know what, though? When you're in love, you don't need to have an elaborate proposal. Just let it happen - surprise him - and it'll be perfect no matter what you do."

"Thanks," Blaine said.

After they planned a day for pickup and the couple left, Blaine had nothing but weddings and marriage on his mind, and he became lost in a daydream. He imagined himself standing across from Kurt, holding his hands, and gazing into his brilliant, blue eyes as he slipped a ring onto his slender finger and the word forever danced across his lips.

Kurt had turned around to watch the interaction from a distance. He really admired Blaine's strength to push through the hardships and still complete the work. Kurt loved him for his selflessness and virtue, and he was so proud to be with this man and knew that Blaine was proud of him too.

-s-

Kurt propped himself up on his elbow in bed and looked over at Blaine who was sitting up against the headboard flipping through an issue of GQ.

"Can we talk?" Kurt asked.

"Of course," Blaine answered. He closed the magazine and placed it on the endtable. "What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking about us. Our future...I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I know you've forgiven me for taking off like I did, but I want to be sure that continuing all of this is what you really want." Kurt sat up and began absentmindedly, nervously twisting and bunching up the bedsheet in his hand. Blaine looked down, noticing, and placed his hand on Kurt's to still it. Kurt relaxed and looked up at Blaine.

"Kurt - it's everything I want. I don't blame you for anything. We all struggle with things sometimes, but you were brave, and you sought help. I don't think it's possible for me to want _this_ more," Blaine said, lightly squeezing Kurt's hand.

Kurt paused for a moment.

"Can I ask you a silly question?"

"Always," Blaine responded.

"Where do you think we'll be in the next few years?"

Blaine laughed and narrowed his eyes playfully before answering.

"Right here, maybe. In New York - unless something becomes more appealing, if that's even possible. Continuing our line, designing for celebrities. Maybe doing a bit of traveling. But, all in all, no matter where life takes me, I want to keep holding your hand," Blaine said, tilting his head to the side and smiling warmly, almost questioningly at Kurt.

Kurt swallowed hard, but the conversation was moving in the direction he had hoped it would. He reached over to grab Blaine's left hand, lifted it between them, and then softly ran his fingertips over Blaine's fourth finger.

"I will hold onto you for as long as you'll have me," Kurt said. He looked up into Blaine's eyes, contemplative for a moment as his chest swelled with emotion.

"How does forever sound? Daunting? Like something so unfathomable that it's terrifying?" Kurt asked.

"No...Kurt." Blaine paused as he breathed in deeply. "Things haven't been perfect between us, and there are going to be challenges ahead, but I'm not afraid of the future - especially if we're together. I couldn't have asked for a better, more talented partner and lover."

Kurt fixed his gaze on Blaine's hand again. Blaine watched Kurt's eyelashes flutter as he blinked, his eyes becoming glossy.

"And it doesn't scare you that you've been in love before, been so sure, but it didn't last? What if we don't last, Blaine? It's just that I find it so difficult sometimes to imagine that anything good can be everlasting." Something tightened in Blaine's chest from Kurt's words.

"It doesn't scare me at all. Sure, when you're young and your heart gets broken, it feels like the end of the world. But we're not teenagers anymore - far from it," Blaine laughed quietly. "We're wiser now, and I think we know what our hearts want - and what they need. I believe that our love is strong enough to last. What I know for sure is that I love you, and that, in this moment, there's nothing else I want to do but spend my life with you. But - listen...if there comes a day when you don't feel the same way anymore and none of this is working out for you, I don't want you to feel trapped. I won't force you to stay. It's more important that you're happy, Kurt."

"Blaine - I - I don't," Kurt swallowed thickly, finding himself unable to respond to Blaine's comment. "Okay," was all he could manage to say. It was Blaine's honesty, his patience, and the way he had always been willing to compromise when it came to things he knew were important to Kurt without so much as a complaint, that Kurt loved about Blaine. It was the safety and support he provided him and Blaine's drive and passion for everything that he did that Kurt admired about him. But, most of all, it was the way Blaine understood Kurt and continued to love him for all his flaws as well as his strengths.

"Sometimes I think it's so funny how we met," Kurt mumbled, a grin tugging at his lips.

"What? Why's that?" Blaine asked, grabbing Kurt around the waist and playfully pulling him closer to him.

"On a reality television show," Kurt answered. "Never in a million years would I have imagined that I'd fall for the nerdy little bow tie-wearing designer with the bright eyes while I was thoroughly intent on kicking your ass - your perfectly round ass, might I add," Kurt said. Blaine laughed and raised his eyebrows.

"Hey! You love the bow ties," Blaine said.

"I do," Kurt responded fondly.

"I guess you were drunk off of all those textiles, and the rush of the competition drove you temporarily insane," Blaine joked. "You must have thought I was a bolt of golden silk charmeuse, and you just couldn't wait to get your hands on me and work me with your fingers..." he said, his voice growing gruff.

"Oh - talk dirty to me about chiffon and organza," Kurt joked back, his voice breathy as he leaned over to nibble on Blaine's ear. "Mmm...our sex life could be really_ interesting_." Blaine giggled and lightly swatted Kurt's arm, and Kurt pulled away, pouting in feigned offense. They both looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"I - I know I've said it a million times, but I'm so in love with you," Blaine said, finally catching his breath.

"Make it a million and one, then. And now I'm going to kiss you for the millionth time," Kurt said as he leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on Blaine's lips.

"And one," Blaine joked as he kissed Kurt back lightly on the mouth.

"And more," Kurt said as he pushed himself up on his hands and knees and climbed on top of Blaine. He leaned in and planted kisses from his ear, trailing them down his neck.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Fashion Week 2point0

Kurt and Blaine were about to display the fruits of their labor for all the world to see, and it was literally impossible for them to not feel nervous. But their over-preparedness and compulsivity towards organization of the show paid off, and, right off the bat, everything was running smoothly. Even the models arrived in a timely fashion and were now slipping, squeezing, and zipping themselves into their outfits.

Blaine was making the rounds, handing out accessories, and making last minute inspections of each look. There was nothing out of place.

It was minutes before their spot in the show, and Kurt ordered the models to line up. Then the previous designer and her models cleared out, and both Kurt and Blaine took deep breaths and walked out, hand in hand, onto the runway to announce their line.

A loud cheer went up in the audience and caught the two of them off guard. Kurt swayed for a second, regained his composure, and then lifted the microphone up to his mouth. The audience quieted as he began to speak.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight. Last time we stood on this runway it was as competitors. But now we stand here about to launch our line as partners."

"We'd like to introduce our line, 'emBarK'. The name in itself is a symbol of the beginning of a long journey, one that begins at the roots with two people. And although the destination is unforeseen, it progresses in an organic way and develops into something steadfast and infinite," Blaine explained.

"The looks are inspired by the forest and the ocean; for in both we may find ourselves lost, but, if we seek out our guiding light, we can find our way back to safety - to home," Kurt said.

"We now present to you: Anderson and Hummel's premier line, _emBarK_," Blaine said.

The lights dimmed over the audience, and the spotlights burned brightly as the music began, softly at first, then rose in a rich crescendo. The note hit that cued the first model, and she stepped out onto the runway.

The first look was a short, knee-length, sleeveless, form-fitting dress in a shimmering gray fabric. Around the midsection were a series of large yellow panels resembling petals which laid flat against the dress but appeared to be spreading from the belted waist. It was like spring's first flowers sprouting and breaking through the snow.

The second look was a high-waisted skirt with several large panels in an ombre that cascaded from a white into a yellow and then into a light green at the tips. The skirt's waistband was bronze. The green almost tube-top blouse paired with the skirt had a sweetheart neckline but was held up by a thin, sheer mesh that formed the top of the shirt and short sleeves.

The next look was an ivory, just-above-the-knee-length halter dress but of a lighter and more flowy material than the previous look. It also had a sweetheart neckline, but there was what appeared to be a spiraling trail of tiny violet, white, and yellow flowers that ran from the left breast and twisted across the waist, ending down by the right hip. They fluttered almost feather-like as the model walked, and the light fabric billowed elegantly behind her.

The next three looks were shorts paired with blouses all in neutral colors save a few splashes of cool colors. The first was a pair of wide-legged, pleated shorts paired with a loose, short-sleeved blouse with a bowed blue ribbon-like tie at the collar that draped across the chest. The next was high-waisted, cuffed shorts paired with a ruffled, v-neck, short-sleeved blouse, and the third of the look was fitted, cuffed dress shorts, belted and paired with a button-down, three-quarter sleeved dress blouse, cuffed just below the elbows.

The sixth look was a cap-sleeved, v-necked blouse paired with skinny capris decorated with a geometric color-blocked accent on the sides by the bottom of each leg. The next two looks were wide-legged pants with different tops; one top was a light short-sleeved, cowl necked, zip-up cardigan, and the other was a long-sleeved, silk blouse with a bow near the collar.

Then the mood in the room shifted as two gowns entered and made their way down the runway, the prelude to the big finale. The first gown had a plunging v-shaped neckline, ruching around the right hip and through the floor-length, high-slit skirt. But most shocking was the floral accents; there was one large ornate piece that decorated the left shoulder, and smaller petal-like accents lined the neckline, crossing over and ending at the left hip. The second gown was much more structured and had a form-fitting, halter-topped bodice with two tear-drop-shaped cutouts in the front center between the breasts. The floor-length skirt separated in the front, falling away to the sides to reveal a sort of tube skirt beneath. There were petal-like accents on the hips, and the skirt rippled dramatically as the model walked the course of the runway.

The crowd grew quiet in anticipation of the final look.

Elyse stepped out onto the runway in the showstopping look, the suit that Kurt had designed. It was structured, fierce, and strikingly couture. The pure white jacket was asymmetrical and had pleated panels that, paired with the lapels, looked almost like a pinwheel across the front. The jacket had four buttons in the front laid out in military-style, was longer in the back, and the dress pants paired with it were a skinny pant in a black and white print that resembled thin branches or vines loosely woven together.

Blaine had really learned a lot from working with Kurt, and he had executed his vision almost flawlessly. Elyse rocked it, hands on her hips and power and confidence in her expression and every movement she made as she turned to head toward backstage again. When she crossed the threshold, Kurt let go of Blaine's hand that he had been holding maybe a little too tightly and threw his arms around her, tears in his eyes.

The final parade and display of the pieces was beginning, and the models entered the runway one last time together, lined up one after the other in quick succession. Kurt and Blaine brought up the rear, both holding Elyse's hands on either side. They took a bow together with hands linked in theatrical curtain call fashion to roaring applause from a mostly standing crowd before walking back to exit the runway, concluding their spot in the show. It was all an incredible rush, and once backstage again, Blaine placed his hands on Kurt's waist and drew him in for a victory kiss, tender and sweet yet firm and claiming.

-s-

"That was incredible," Elyse said as they made their way out of the building. Three hours later, Kurt and Blaine had just finally made it past the media and other big names in the industry and were both overjoyed but exhausted. Blaine's stomach growled, and Kurt side-eyed him before laughing.

"I guess this means we have to celebrate," Kurt said, poking Blaine lightly in the stomach.

"We don't have to go out anywhere if you want to spend the night in," Blaine said.

"No. We're going out. This is a big night, and I would hate for it to end so prematurely. Besides, I'm really not in the mood to cook," Kurt added.

"Elyse, how do you feel about dinner and some drinks?" Blaine asked.

"That sounds like a perfect end to the night," Elyse said, "but I think you two should go on without me. This is your night, and I think you should celebrate together - spend some quality time with each other." She smiled at them.

Blaine smiled warmly at Elyse, his eyes displaying his immense gratitude for her seemingly simple gesture, but she knew it meant so much more. They took turns giving her a hug, thanked her, and said goodnight as she climbed into a cab. Kurt looked to Blaine and cocked his head to the side. He reached his hand out, and Blaine took it, sliding their fingers together.

-s-

"Shots!" Blaine shouted as the bartender quickly filled two glasses.

Kurt whipped his head around and stared at Blaine as if he were clad in plaid and polka dots.

"How very unlike you," Kurt said, quirking an eyebrow. He grabbed the shot glass in front of him and lifted it up in the air. "But I have no qualms about indulging." Kurt quickly downed the shot and slammed the glass back down on the counter.

Blaine, who had been momentarily stunned by Kurt's initial reaction, hesitated before downing his own. When he set the glass down and looked back at Kurt, they both began to laugh.

"I hope you can keep up," Blaine said. "It's going to be a long night." He turned to the bartender, holding up two fingers. "Two more, please. I want to celebrate the right way after everything we went through to get where we are - right now. Because, as far as I'm concerned, right now is all that matters."

Fresh shots before them, they lifted and clinked the small glasses together and downed them before setting them back on the bar.

"We made it, Blaine," Kurt said. "I - "

But then Kurt caught Blaine by surprise, stood up, and pulled him off his stool and onto the floor.

"Whoa -"

"I'm buzzed enough. I don't wanna get wasted tonight. I just want to be with you, here, basking in our success. I just want to hold your hand - I just want to hold _you_ again - is that too much to ask for?"

"Kurt - you - " But Blaine was unable to finish his sentence, let alone his thought, because then Kurt's lips were on his. Slowly, tenderly at first, Kurt took control, and Blaine moved his body closer to Kurt's, pressing his chest up against him. Kurt deepened the kiss, and Blaine felt a heat rising in him.

Then Blaine felt moisture on his face as tears escaped him. Kurt's cheek became wet, and he pulled away to look at Blaine. Blaine smiled sadly up at him.

"I broke your heart, Blaine Anderson. And finding that notebook you kept while I was gone, I - it's just that - seeing those things you wrote broke my heart because I knew the whole time that it wasn't you who was responsible for the way I was feeling."

"No, I was clueless, Kurt, and I feel like I should have known better than to think that we didn't have to work on our relationship - that it would just run itself or something. It takes work, and I wasn't doing my share."

Kurt shushed Blaine. "New rule: we no longer bring up the past or dwell on it. We are who we are because of it, and look at us - look at who we have become, Blaine." Kurt reached out and gently tugged on Blaine's bow tie to straighten it before looking back up into his eyes with a grin. "Now let's go dance, because all I can think about right now is how much I want to put my hands on your hips - your waist - on you - and lose myself in the music."

Without an ounce of opposition, Blaine allowed himself to be led out onto the dance floor, his hand in the hand of the man who, ever elusive, ever jealous, and ever needy, was now holding onto him as if the world would stop spinning if he let go.

-s-

Blaine had all but forgotten Kurt's confession about the journal, but, by the time they arrived home, sore feet, mussed hair, and with the scents of the bar lingering on their clothing, the conversation flooded back into his thoughts.

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"So, you - uh - you read the journal?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry. I didn't know what it was at first, and I found it on the nightstand when I was changing the sheets. I opened the cover just to see, and I wasn't planning to continue reading, but then I saw my name written and was curious...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snooped."

"It's okay. There's no need to apologize."

"No, I'm really sorry. I think I smudged some of the pages as I read. Turns out tears and ink don't go well together," he joked, smiling sadly.

"But, Kurt, I'm glad you found it. Really. They were written for you anyway, although I wasn't sure if I expected you to ever see them. Now that you have...can we talk?"

"Of course. I wanted to ask you a few things - I really missed a lot, didn't I..."

"You were gone for two months."

"I know. Those things you said about life getting hard but just having to deal with our shit -? It really hurt to read because you're right. And I was trying to deal with all my shit - I just shouldn't have left you in the dark. I was being a coward like you said."

"But you aren't a coward, Kurt. I just wish you had just told me what was wrong. I would have been there for you - I would have understood that you needed to get away - to go home."

"I think the problem was that I didn't know what I needed. Who ever does? I mean - I felt like I was letting myself fall back into old, bad habits. I shouldn't have pushed for sex after we had just fought. I put myself through enough of that with Dave, and I can't figure out for the life of me why I - not you - would do that to myself again."

"Well, I wasn't thinking either. There's blame to share."

"Like the song," Kurt laughed. "We do that a lot, don't we? Stephen Schwartz is a wise man. I guess there's a lot to learn from music and theater. They embody everything that makes us human. Art makes us human. The best art displays our flaws - not the clean, easy, and conventional - because that's not how life works."

"It's messy," Blaine said.

"It's unforgiving," Kurt said.

"It stops for no one." Blaine said.

"But we do our best to survive and keep moving forward." Kurt paused before continuing, his expression becoming more serious. "But most importantly, we were lucky enough to find each other. For all life's struggles, what we have between us should never be one of them. I love you, Blaine, more than you could ever know. We've accomplished so much together, and from this day forward, I promise to never look back again and to never let my insecurities get in the way of us."

"Oh - I just remembered something," Blaine said suddenly, startling Kurt. He opened the closet and pulled out a box with the Marc Jacobs logo printed across the top. He set it on the bed. Kurt immediately understood.

"You really shouldn't have."

"But I wanted to."

Kurt opened the box and gently lifted the bag out of the tissue paper in which it was wrapped.

"It really is perfect, Blaine. You know me so well. Another reason why I need to just open up to you about what I'm feeling." Kurt set the bag in his lap to admire it.

"And I'll do the same. I guess I wasn't completely honest with you either. I had misgivings about taking on the commission, and I knew you were stressed out. And I shouldn't have taken that nightmare you had with a grain of salt - while you were gone, I learned a little about trauma...and I learned a bit about myself too." Blaine sat down on the edge of the bed by Kurt, directing his gaze on the bag still in Kurt's lap as he gathered the courage to continue. He set his hand on Kurt's but was unable to meet his eyes. "I didn't realize how serious it was. Now I know that I need to deal with my shit too. I buried something in my past without realizing that I had never dealt with it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't go to Dalton because my mother believed in the value of a private school education," Blaine sneered. "In fact, she struggled to afford it - although she tried to keep me from knowing so I wouldn't worry or feel guilty."

"But - why then?"

"I went there to escape." Blaine faltered as he gathered his thoughts. "A friend and I were jumped while waiting for our ride home from a school dance. I'm lucky to be standing here today; he wasn't so lucky. If I could say that he walked away from that beating, I would be okay with the fact that it happened and is behind me. But he has to live with it every day - he was paralyzed, Kurt. And it was so difficult to be his friend after that, to even look at him...he was so angry, with himself, at the world...and I felt like a horrible person because I was glad to not be in his place. You've accused me in the past of having a hero complex - well, Kurt, I couldn't save him. I was completely helpless. And I guess I've been trying to compensate for that failure ever since," he finished bitterly.

Kurt stared hard at Blaine, concern etched in every feature.

"And I didn't realize it, but the same way you ran, I had too. The only difference is that you're stronger than I am, Kurt."

"Don't do that, Blaine. Don't you ever minimize what happened to you because you think someone else had it worse. You have every right to be affected by something that happened to you and to feel as much as you feel about it."

"I just feel like something, some force brought us together because the universe knew we needed each other. It might sound ridiculous, but when I think about all of our experiences and the things that brought us together, I sincerely believe that we were meant to find each other, Kurt. And even though you've left, you always find your way back to me - back home."

"I couldn't stay away if I tried, because I feel the same way. When you wrote that bit about keeping you balanced, I thought about how difficult it was to wake up in my old bed in Ohio thinking just for a moment that I was going to roll over and see you, that I would be able to touch you, to kiss you, to smell you. We _are_ the light and the dark, and one can't exist without the other - I don't want to exist without my other half."

Blaine sank down into the bed and let out a heavy sigh, their words overwhelming him. He rolled onto his side and grinned at Kurt. Kurt set the bag aside and slid down in the bed, turning to face Blaine.

"I feel like I could sleep forever," Blaine said through a yawn as exhaustion suddenly hit him.

"We can stay in bed all day tomorrow - no one is making us move, and we have nowhere to be," Kurt said. "It'll be just us."

Blaine reached over and ran his hand down Kurt's arm.

"We have a lot of catching up to do," Blaine said.

Kurt stopped his hand by grabbing it to hold in his own.

"Two months -?" Kurt said.

"Two months," Blaine answered.

"But now we have forever."

"When you look at it that way, those two months will be so insignificant. The launch of the line is just the beginning of our future as designers, Kurt, and we still have a long way to go..." Blaine paused. He gently squeezed Kurt's hand and took a deep breath as he thought about all the firsts they had yet to experience together. Blaine grinned at his musings and the feeling of Kurt's careful hand holding his. "And I believe that this is only the beginning for us and our relationship, and we're starting with a clean slate. Soon enough, it'll feel like those two months never happened."


	12. Chapter Twelve: emBarK

"Okay, now look over here, and turn that way - place your hand there and - perfect."

The photographer snapped a series of pictures while Elyse took direction.

When they were finally satisfied, Kurt and Blaine were called over to enter the shoot. A few poses were suggested until they stood arms crossed, back to back, with Elyse draped over the table and chair provided for props. A few more pictures were taken in various poses, but the photographer was almost certain they had the perfect shots for the spread.

_emBarK_ was being featured in _Vogue_, and a small article was being written about the duo and the official launch of their career. The show was highly successful, and the fashion world embraced them and pulled them in. The next thing they knew, they were being bombarded with requests for interviews and photo shoots and even invites to private events to rub shoulders with other big names in the industry.

It was overwhelming, but, at the same time, it was everything they had ever wanted.

There was only one more thing that hadn't been addressed yet, something that had yet again been swept out of sight and out of mind in the rush and excitement of work.

Kurt made his way back from running errands and had one more stop he had to make. When he finally came across a newsstand, he scooped up a few of the copies of the October issue of _Vogue_, paid, and then proudly marched his way home, a slight spring in his step, a smile on his face, and loudly humming 'Fashion Of His Love' without a single care about the peculiar looks he was receiving from passersby.

Kurt sang to himself as he ascended the stone steps from the subway and made his way down the sidewalk, stepping to the beat.

_"I'm seeing all the signs from above..."_

Kurt laughed quietly as he easily climbed the stairwell to their floor, the magazines clutched against his chest. He found himself singing again as he reached the door and placed his key in the lock.

_"I was made for loving him_

_The fashion of his love."_

Blaine was waiting in the apartment with dinner very nearly prepared, and Kurt inhaled deeply as he pushed his way through the front door. He set the small stack of magazines down on the counter and just beamed, teeth and all, at Blaine. They stared at each other before Kurt launched himself at Blaine and they wrapped their arms around each other and swayed, caught up in their excitement.

"This is it, Blaine. We made it."

"Let's not look at it yet. We'll sit down after dinner and go through it."

"I like the way you think," Kurt said. "I'm going to go wash up real quick before we eat."

Kurt half-trotted to the bedroom and made a quick pit-stop at the bathroom. After washing his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror and felt like he was glowing. He felt wonderful. Then he reached down into his drawer filled with hair products and moisturizers, a place that Blaine avoided like a pit of snakes, and pulled out a small box. He slid the box into his pocket, checked his hair in the mirror again, and made his way back to the dining area where Blaine was setting out dinner.

Kurt was quiet throughout dinner because he was both nervous and yet had never felt so sure about anything in his life. Blaine was getting odd vibes from Kurt who kept staring intently at him. And, when Blaine would look up and return the look, Kurt would look away bashfully.

"Alright, I'm stuffed," Blaine said, setting his silverware down and rising from his seat to pack up the remaining food. He sensed that Kurt was extremely excited and noticed that he had barely touched his food.

Kurt stood up and pushed in his chair before picking up the stack of magazines and carrying them over to the coffee table in front of the couch. He set them down and grabbed the one on top. Then he looked back at Blaine over the couch.

"Hurry up! Come, sit," he said, patting the cushion beside him.

"Give me a second, Kurt," Blaine called back with a laugh. "It's not like they're going to disappear."

Blaine closed the refrigerator door, washed his hands, and then joined Kurt on the couch. He scooted in close beside him and leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt opened up the issue to the table of contents and ran his finger down until he spotted the article title. He flipped quickly to the page past all the ads and otherwise until he saw himself standing there looking back up at him with Blaine by his side and Elyse draped across the furniture.

"I can't believe it. We look amazing," Blaine said.

"Here," Kurt said, handing the magazine over to Blaine who was forced to lift his head, "read it to me."

Beginning slowly at first, Blaine read, pausing at certain parts that contained glowing critiques of their work. But when Blaine was nearing the end of the article, Kurt fidgeted in his seat and reached down into his pocket. He carefully pulled out the box and set it on the table before him just out of Blaine's line of sight which was obstructed by the magazine.

Blaine caught Kurt's movement and finally glanced up from the article. Kurt cleared his throat, and Blaine locked eyes with him, a curious expression taking over his features.

"Blaine," he began, "there was a time when I thought that I would never find someone who truly loved me, someone who could handle my _strong_ personality, and would stick by me no matter what happened or how difficult I could be. We've been through a lot together over these past two years, and I've never felt more safe or like anyone understood me better than you do."

Eyes growing wide and expression softening, Blaine closed the magazine and reached forward to set it on the coffee table, but he froze when his eyes fell upon the tiny box.

"And now," Kurt began, swallowing nervously. "Now, I think, is a better time than ever to show you just how committed I am to us and to everything we've been working so hard toward."

Blaine swallowed hard. Oh, god. He couldn't believe it.

"I'm ready, Blaine. I'm ready for forever. I'm not scared anymore."

"Kurt - I - yes, I mean, I'm ready too."

Kurt scooped the box up and flipped open the lid to reveal a white gold band with three round diamonds embedded in it, two chocolate and one dazzling white in the center. He kneeled on the floor before Blaine, because there was no way Kurt Hummel would let an opportunity for dramatics pass him by, and gazed lovingly into those hazel eyes.

"Blaine Devon Anderson, will you marry me? Will you be my best friend, my fabulous husband, and lifelong partner no matter what may come?"

"Yes. To all of that and more," Blaine answered. "I'm so lucky to have found someone like you," he said as he pulled Kurt up from the floor.

Kurt removed the ring from its casing and slid it onto Blaine's finger.

"It's lovely, Kurt," was all he managed to say as he admired it. Then he looked back into Kurt's shining eyes and embraced him, nuzzling his nose into Kurt's neck. After a moment, he pulled back and then, gazing down at Kurt's perfectly pink lips now curling into a grin, leaned in and pressed his lips against Kurt's in a kiss filled with so much _yes_ and love and promise.

-s-

Blaine stripped down into his boxer briefs before climbing into bed beside Kurt. But he didn't lay down immediately. Instead, he reached over into the drawer of the nightstand and fished out a small red box not unlike the black one Kurt had presented to him earlier. He thought it was absolutely insane that Kurt had beaten him to it - he had been planning the proposal out all week, going over what he would say and when he would say it. But, since his planning had gotten him nowhere, he decided to throw it all out the window. Without further hesitation, he took a deep breath, leaned over in the bed, and set the ring box on top of Kurt's bare tummy.

"What -?" Kurt began as he felt the slight weight of the small soft velvet-covered red box right above his navel, but he soon realized what was happening and covered his face as his whole body shook from laughter.

"I was waiting for the right time, but it turns out that there's no such thing as the perfect moment - although, you came as close to one as possible. It only seems right that I give you the ring I bought for you."

"Oh, my god. This is great," Kurt said, still laughing more from nerves now.

"Can I?" Blaine asked as he lifted the box back up. Kurt nodded. Blaine rose up onto his knees on the mattress and positioned himself between Kurt's legs, the ring box in hand. There he sat, in his underwear and nothing else, before Kurt, about to make the most ridiculous proposal in all of history. Kurt was sure he would die from laughter tonight, although he tried his best to contain it.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel," Blaine began dramatically, "I am a desperate man, and I need your love. Look at me. I'm here on my knees before you with nothing to hide - I'm completely exposed - baring all. Be my husband?"

"Come here," Kurt said, letting out another loud peal of laughter. "I'm yours, you crazy, naked fool of a man." Kurt pulled Blaine down on top of him and kissed him hard on the mouth. When they pulled away from each other, all giggles and smiles, Blaine slid the ring onto Kurt's finger - a white gold band with a single princess-cut blue diamond in the center - the companion to his own.

And there it was. The first step on their journey going anywhere, with each other to guide them on their way.


	13. Epilogue

"Tell us who you're wearing!"

Cameras flashed all around amongst the chatter of the crowd.

"It's _emBarK_ by Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel," she said as she spun around on the red carpet to give them a better look.

"It's absolutely stunning."

"Katy! Miss Perry! Can you look over here?" Shouts came from the crowd of photographers, a mixture of professionals from publications, a few paparazzi, and some jubilant fans.

"So, Katy, how did you come to tonight's wardrobe decision for the Gala?" Tim Gunn asked.

"I saw their work on _Project Runway_ and was immediately a fan, and, when I found out they were working together, I knew I needed to keep up. Last year's Fall Fashion Week proved just how extraordinary they are and how perfectly they work together," she gushed.

"I'm so glad to hear all of that. I feel like a proud mama," Tim said with a quick laugh. "Thank you for talking with us tonight, Ms. Perry, and we hope to see you again soon."

She smiled one last time and turned to proceed down the carpet.

-s-

Kurt pressed a button on the remote, and the television powered off. He stretched his arms up and then looked down in his lap where Blaine's head had been resting.

It was a good thing he had DVR'd the Gala because Blaine had conked out long before the red carpet even began. Admittedly, Kurt was to blame: after an afternoon out in the city, Kurt grabbed a can of whipped cream, and they had dessert in bed. One thing led to another, and soon Blaine was exhausted and barely able to move. But they had never had more fun.

They decided to finish the night on the couch in front of the television because the cause for all their celebration would be airing. A few months following the launch of their line, they received their first celebrity commission, and Blaine nearly fainted when he found out it was from Miss Teenage Dream herself, Katy Perry. Kurt had never seen him so excited before.

Of course, who knows if they ever would have received a commission of this caliber had it not been for the success of their first one. That fateful day back in June, Blaine had found out that the groom-to-be, Joe, was none other than Joseph Kelly, VP of a PR firm that works for the New York branch of Capitol Records. And they had certainly made a good impression.

This was it. They were living their dream.

He stroked Blaine's curls, set the remote down, and gently nudged Blaine awake. With bleary eyes and unsteady legs, Blaine was led by Kurt into the bedroom.

And as Blaine lay there on the bed half unconscious, grinning dazedly at Kurt, Kurt emptied his pockets as he undressed from the day, dropping a few dollars and loose change into a jar on the dresser on which they had taped a note that read:

**_SoHo or BUST_**

It was something silly they had come up with after they had settled back in together and discussed their future and how they would work to ensure their relationship remained top priority. They wouldn't take anything for granted - not their success - but, most of all, they wouldn't take each other for granted.

A few days after they had exchanged rings, they made a trip to a jewelry shop to have them sized and, while there, decided to have something short, sweet, and meaningful engraved into the inside of the bands, something to document their journey so far, to remind them where they had been and what still lay ahead.

Kurt wrote a couplet for Blaine's...

_"In every stitch, our love is sown. As we, embark toward the unknown."_

And Blaine wrote a couplet for Kurt's...

_"And if you feel the need to roam, you have my heart to guide you home."_

Kurt climbed into the bed and curled up next to his fiancé, already a warm ball of comfort and languor. In his state of hovering between waking and sleep, Blaine felt strong arms wrap around his torso, and he closed his eyes, sinking into oblivion, having never felt so safe or so certain in his life.

-s-

The new year had begun, and Kurt and Blaine were occupied with the business, surprised at how quickly everything seemed to pick up. Soon enough, they were in desperate need of a bigger space, a handful of helpers, seamstresses and patternmakers, and, to Kurt's delight, a personal assistant who he picked out himself.

Blaine was only a tad jealous of the bright-eyed nineteen-year-old who Kurt had hired. The young man was full of energy, had excellent fashion sense, and was admittedly gorgeous. But Blaine knew that no matter how much attention Kurt gave the assistant or how many times Blaine caught Kurt ogling him, Kurt was his, and his flirtations were nothing but a bit of fun.

But Kurt was even more grateful to have the assistant around to help free up some of his time so he could tend to something else of high import: Blaine - and their wedding plans. Kurt had just booked the hall and the caterer and was taking his good old time picking out the cake; it was imperative that he try every bakery in the city just to be sure he found the best one. But, if truth be told, Kurt was just enjoying spoiling himself by sampling an abundance of baked goods - and actually having a valid excuse was a huge plus. He just hoped that a few visits to the gym would make up for it and would ensure he would still fit into his fabulous Dolce & Gabbana tux, god forbid.

Even though the show was long over, Elyse remained a fixture in their lives. She continued to drop by the boutique and accompany Kurt on weekly trips for froyo during which they discussed centerpieces and other wedding things that caused Blaine to simply roll his eyes and laugh at Kurt's enthusiasm. Both Kurt and Blaine had been ecstatic when they learned that Elyse had been accepted into Parsons and had already begun classes.

As planned, after the runway show and the launch of the line, Kurt took the final look, the suit that had already been especially tailored for Elyse, made a few alterations, and boxed it up nicely and neatly.

Elyse beamed when she received the package in the mail and could hardly contain herself as she pulled out the suit; but, when she found the note in the box beneath it on which was written a heart-felt and poignant expression of Kurt's gratitude as well as his most sincere wishes for her luck and good fortune in her future endeavors, she was so grateful and happy that she could only collapse into a chair and cry.

She had decided to wear the suit when she went to interview for her first internship. But on her way home from the interview, something happened that halted all her plans for after.

She was about to enter the subway when someone placed their hand on her shoulder. She turned around, startled at first and unsure of what to expect, but when her eyes met those of the man who stopped her, she felt her heart jump into her throat. She momentarily lost the ability to breathe as she took in all that was her Ryan.

"Hi," he said.

She hadn't realized how much she missed the way his eyes lit up when he looked at her. The way they crinkled at the corners when he smiled, and the shy way he grinned, his mouth always a little crooked and his teeth barely showing.

"Hi," she said.

And she had a million questions for him, but she was still in shock, rendered speechless by her reality, by this impossible chance meeting - or was it?

"It's been -" Ryan began.

"Three -?" Elyse replied.

"Three years."

"Why -? I mean, how -?"

"I got a transfer. I'm in New York indefinitely."

-s-

Kurt was leaning over the table, enrapt and in conversation with Tyler, his young assistant. Blaine watched Kurt bite his bottom lip, and Blaine rolled his eyes and sighed.

"And when you're finished with that, Ty, could you pick up some coffee and - "

"Alright, Kurt. Enough already. I'm sure Tyler has -" but Blaine was cut off as Elyse entered the studio, dressed in the suit they had gifted her, alongside Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome. Although, Blaine had never seen the man before, it was easy to guess by the way Elyse's eyes were shining and the way she gripped his hand as if afraid to let go, that it must be...

"Kurt, Blaine - I'd like you to meet Ryan."

Even Kurt looked up, forgetting about the bit of fun he was having, and rushed over to greet Ryan, following closely behind Blaine.

"Blaine Anderson. It's great to meet you," Blaine said, extending his hand.

"Ryan Moore," he said, taking Blaine's hand.

"Kurt Hummel," Kurt cut in, shaking Ryan's hand in turn. "We've heard quite a bit about you, but probably not enough." Ryan laughed as he let go of Kurt's hand.

"Ryan's a nurse," Elyse explained, "and he was just offered a job at Mount Sinai in Queens."

"You work in the medical field?" Blaine asked. "It's no wonder Elyse is so drawn to you. You're both such caring and selfless individuals."

"Thank you," Ryan said, slightly abashed but honored by Blaine's comment.

"Has Elyse told you how much she's helped us over the past few months? She's amazing, and you're a very lucky man to have her," Kurt said.

"Guys," Elyse said, blushing. Although he had just made a reappearance in her life and would be living close enough to pick their relationship back up from where it had fallen apart, she was still uncertain of exactly where they stood.

"She is amazing," Ryan said, turning to meet Elyse's eyes. Within them, she saw a question, one that she understood without words, and her heart began to race. She smiled as if to say, _of course, you silly fool. I've only been waiting forever for you._

"I trust that you'll take good care of our muse," Kurt said, grinning at Ryan who reached down and grabbed Elyse's hand.

"That's always been my plan," he answered, his gaze still fixed on Elyse.

As Kurt watched the two continue to get lost in each others' eyes, his hand found Blaine's, and he lightly brushed his thumb along the band on Blaine's finger. When he felt Blaine squeeze his hand in response, he smiled, knowing that life wasn't a fantasy, but perhaps there was a such thing as happy endings.


End file.
